How to tell if Limbo is the Game For You.

 

I realize that I’m a bit late to the party when it comes to Limbo.  I have a healthy mistrust of the entire “puzzle platform” genre after getting burned by Braid and neutered by Nyxquest.

OK, that’s enough attempted alliteration.

“Neutered”, seriously.  I can’t defend that.

Oh right, Limbo. It’s a game that you may or may not enjoy playing, so I have prepared a visual guide.

If this is you:

 

…then Limbo is NOT the game for you and you should not play it.

If, on the other hand, your childhood was something like THIS:

 

With maybe just a LITTLE bit of THIS:

 

…then Limbo IS the game for you and I recommend that you play it forthwith.

Of course, it’s been out for slightly over two years, so you’ve probably already done so.  Just in case you haven’t, and just in case my stunning pictorial guide, assembled with MINUTES of painstaking Google Image Search work, wasn’t enough to convince you, let me tell you about Limbo.

It’s a game where you murder a small boy over and over again.

…well, THAT sentence is going to come back to haunt me if I ever run for office.

It’s a game, to try to salvage this a bit, where you take charge of a young lad who must journey through a bleak monochrome world in a quest to… escape? find your lost sister? I’m not entirely certain, but you definitely don’t want most of the things that will happen to you to happen to you inasmuch as those things largely revolve around whirling blades and electric rails.

So if that appeals to you, well, first you should probably seek some sort of professional help and then you should play Limbo.  Those two things can be in either order.

 

Posted in PC Gaming, videogames | Leave a comment

I finished some games for a change.

Some quick comments on some recent conquests.

Earth Defense Force : Insect Armageddon (PS3) (Also: Xbox 360, PC)

Sequel to Earth Defense Force 2017 and a much more polished game in all regards.  There’s more story – and it’s honestly funny – the graphics are better and the two-player game is made infinitely better by the simple addition of a “revive” mechanic that avoids the issue from the first game where you could get stuck playing through half of a level in split screen mode without your partner.

Sadly it is in all other regards a worse game.  There’s only 15 levels, probably because they were putting more effort into each, there’s fewer enemies and the leveling up elements they added mean that you are going to have to grind the earlier levels over and over again so that you can equip powerful enough weapons to finish the game.

I played through it with a good friend and that made all the difference, but I don’t think I’d have gone through this in single player mode.  If you DO have a friend who’s up for spending several hours on a couch shooting giant ants, and you don’t have an Xbox 360 to play the older game, give this one a go.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution (PC) (Also: Xbox 360, PS3)

Prequel to the best game of 2000 and possibly the best game of the 2000s, this had some serious shoes to fill.  Except for the terrible, terrible boss fights, it filled them pretty well.

As a prequel to a game which starts with the world in terrible shape, you have to know going in that it’s going to have a pretty downer ending.

It actually gives you your choice of four endings, all of them depressing, but it makes up for that by some of the stuff you do along the way – many of the side quests have you going out of your way just to do the Right Thing which is a pretty powerful incentive to keep playing.

Much like the original game, it gives you a ton of ways to get stuff done – from the stealthy hackery type to the guns-blazing commando.  I went a mix of the two and found myself often wondering how things would play out if I’d gone entirely one way or the other.  Sadly, it’s a moderately long game by modern FPS standards – I clocked in at around 18 hours – so I don’t think I’ll be going back to check out the alternate paths any time soon.

Bastion (Mac) (Also: PC, Xbox 360, iOS, Linux)

Bastion is the first game in a very long while that I’ve played from start to finish in a single day, and I’m very glad that it was only about a six hour game because I likely would have kept at it to the bitter end and stayed up FAR too late if it was much longer.

It’s one of the more recent darlings of the indie game scene, though the big Warner Brothers Games logo that comes up at the beginning makes me wonder how exactly we’re defining “indie” these days, and it does really live up to the hype.

I won’t get into the details, because I’m already up late enough and it’s a game that doesn’t really need one more guy on the internet gushing about it, but if you like Games With Heart and have any kind of tolerance for action RPGs that are light on the RPG part, it’s a must play.

The only thing I’ll really point out is that it was the first time I’ve tried this “Steam Cloud” thing where your saves are stored on a server somewhere, and it worked better than I had any right to expect.

See, I started playing this on a Windows PC and got a little over an hour in before I realized that it was a Steamplay game and one that would probably be right up in my new i7 Mini’s wheelhouse.

Once I figured that out, I installed it on my Mac, installed the XBox 360 controller drivers on the Mac, started up the game and had my saved game ready to continue – not only had it successfully been uploaded to the “cloud”  but it had been downloaded onto a computer running an entirely different OS and loaded properly by the game on the new computer.

So, serious cred to the developers for making cross-platform save compatibility and to Valve for getting the server side of things right.

 

Posted in mac, PC Gaming, ps3, videogames | Leave a comment

In which, the universe has a cruel sense of humor and I buy a new Xbox.

I took myself out for sushi tonight, and our local sushi restaurant is right next to Fred Meyers and I needed to see what the price was on something that I’m thinking about getting my dad for Christmas this year.

As somehow ALWAYS happens, I also wound up in the electronics section and noticed that they were running a deal on an Xbox 360 console for $199 with Forza 4 and Skyrim, which I thought was a pretty good deal.

But, our Xbox 360 from 2006 has been steadily chugging along all this time and has only done the red-ring thing once, so I chalked it up as “that’s a good deal, pity I have nobody on my Christmas list to give it to”

I had my sushi, and I got some take-out for my wife, and as I was giving her her dinner and putting my coat in the closet and taking off my shoes, I made an offhand comment about how it was a pity that our Xbox wasn’t broken, hah hah hah.

And she said unto me “and when was the last time you turned it on?”

I of course turned it on right there and then to prove that it was still working just fine.

There was a pathetic little crackling noise as a circuit breaker blew and everything plugged into the same circuit turned off.

So, I reset the circuit breaker and turned the Xbox back on again.

Then I reset the circuit breaker one last time, put my coat and shoes back on, and drove back to the store, where they had already taken down the signs advertising the deal but were willing to ring me one last one up at their sale price.

Somewhere, in the distance, the universe was laughing.

 

Oh, and they had Wii Us in stock which somewhat startled me after the nightmare of trying to get a Wii back in 2006/2007.  Either Nintendo actually made enough of the danged things this time or they may be a little nervous right now.

 

 

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I loves me some pai.

See, the counter for mahjong tiles is “-ぱい” so uh it’s a joke that is either incredibly opaque or painfully lame depending on your point of view.  Not that clever.  Moving on.

I got introduced to Japanese-style mahjong – as opposed to mahjong solitaire, or “shanghai” – in the early days of the 32-bit console wars, when the US was still a second-class market in terms of actually getting new software and when importing games from Japan was just something you DID if you were any kind of gamer at all.

I was also in the height of my “if it’s weird and Japanese it must be inherently superior” craze, which explains why I wound up spending a hundred and five bucks – plus another thirty bucks or so on a import convertor cartridge – on a copy of Suchie-Pai Special for the Saturn.

 

I’ve never been accused of being smart with my money.

Anyway, I got some vague advice on how to play from a friend who was living in Japan – it was on the order of “you try to make four runs or threes of a kind, plus a pair”, which is technically accurate I suppose, and then I set apart trying to learn Mahjong from a video game with almost no external resources.  I bought a couple of books which turned out to be based on Chinese rules and wouldn’t have helped much anyway as this was a 2 player variant.

If you’ve never tried to reverse engineer a surprisingly complicated game by the process of playing it a lot and losing without knowing why you’re losing, I can’t recommend it.  Still, spending that much on a single game does give you incentive.

By about a decade later, I had actually built up quite a collection of games for various systems, and I’d realized that I could usually win if I didn’t take any tiles from my opponent’s hand until the game told me that I could either call riichi or ron.

Yes, the sole “yaku” (win condition) that I’d managed to figure out after 10 years was to keep my entire hand concealed until I could call a win.

A couple of years ago, I found some sites that actually got into how to play, with english translated rules and lists of yaku and all kinds of incredibly useful stuff that didn’t exist in the mid 90s and that made it so that I was able to take some of the mahjong games I’d bought over the years and finally finish them in a reasonably expedited fashion.

It was pretty mind-blowing.

I still didn’t get the whole prevailing wind versus seat wind and scoring nonsense, because none of that is really necessary when you’re playing strip mahjong games and you’re usually running your opponent out of clothes rather than points.

Then I watched Saki, and it was taking my first steps into a brand new universe time.

Saki is famously a gateway drug to mahjong addiction.  It draws a viewer in with cute girls and barely-concealed yuri overtones…

…but then hits you with a sea of bizarre terminology and people acting ALL DRAMATIC when they’re flinging tiles down on a board and very little of it makes any sense and you start looking up just what a rinshan kaihou IS and then it’s a rabbit hole with no bottom.

As an aside, what IS it with girls not being able to eat ice cream without getting it all over their faces?  It just doesn’t make any sense.

OR, if you’ve spent 17 years playing a game with very little understanding of how the game is actually PLAYED, it’s like Oh My God It’s Full Of Stars and then I turn into a weird sort of space baby thing and hit an ape on the head with a monolith.

Hmm.

As analogies go, that one needs some work.

Anyway, I can now play 4-player mahjong against strangers and I actually have a feel for how they’re playing and what they’re likely going to hit me with as far as hands go.  I was playing a hand earlier tonight, saw someone pick a particular tile from another player, looked at the board and said to myself “he has a set of green dragon tiles”.

When he crushed me, some few minutes later, he had a set of green dragon tiles.

So, I feel like I’m making progress after quite a long time of being stuck and it’s a pretty heady feeling.

Usually I think I was born at just about the perfect time.  I got to grow up during and experience the arcade boom and the home computer revolution, I got to play Dungeons and Dragons before the advent of MMOs, read comic books as a kid before DC had heard of the word “Crisis”, and I ran smack-dab into anime fandom in the late 80s, just in time to watch that industry bloom and explode and collapse.

Seriously, just about perfect timing all-in-all.

However, in this rare occasion, it might have been nice to have been born just a little bit later so I wouldn’t have had to struggle along on my own for QUITE so long.

 

 

 

Posted in anime, mahjong, Saturn | Leave a comment

Rinshan Kaihou, y’all

If’n you need me, I’ll be over here in a girl’s high school uniform practicing getting +/- 0.

 

Also, I actually had the guts to register for a user ID on tenhou.net.  I’m up to 6kyuu now.

Having 24/7 access to competitive mahjong is frightfully addictive.  This is going to be bad for the old steam backlog.

 

 

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I am your Mahjong god

I have been trying my hand at online Mahjong on Tenhou.net lately, and by and large I have been losing.  A LOT.  I have been considering the occasional game where I wind up in third place to be Great Success.

Then tonight I got the following three hands as the first three hands of the game, making this quite possibly the shortest game of mahjong I will ever play:

 

 

 

 

 

Right now, I like to think that there are three stunned people in Japan, still staring blankly at their computer screens in sheer disbelief and certain that I cheated somehow.

 

 

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Going Postal

I’ve been selling an awful lot of stuff on eBay lately in order to get some space back in our closets and bookshelves. It’s actually been an overwhelmingly positive experience – out of about a hundred transactions so far, I’ve only had two non-paying bidders and one person who had moved without updating her address with PayPal.

It has also meant that I’ve gotten quite familiar with the nearest post office to work.

Since eBay lets me print out pre-paid labels, and since I’m mostly mailing stuff out in flat rate packaging – part of the overwhelmingly positive experience I mentioned – I normally just walk into the lobby with a bin of packages, walk past the line, stack the packages on the counter, make eye contact with the clerk and walk out, picking up any new flat-rate packaging I need on the way back to my car.

Today was the day after Veteran’s Day. I didn’t really think about this when I was going to the post office on lunch.

The first thing I noticed was a full parking lot. The next few things I noticed, in no particular order, were a counter covered with a variety of boxes – so I couldn’t do my drop-and-go – a line stretching around the lobby a couple of times and a bunch of people who were in various stages of outright confusion.

It turns out that going to the post office on the day after Veteran’s Day is much like going to a Catholic church on Easter. There are an awful lot of VERY well-meaning people who suddenly realize that they should be doing SOMETHING for their family member that’s in service, but they’re maybe a little shaky on the what and how.

And yes, I actually have done the Easter thing. There was a girl in the choir who I rather wanted to see more of. I also wanted to spend more time with her. But I digress.

Anyway, allow me to paint a picture for you.

There were a few people with shopping bags full of things they wanted to ship to their family members, some other people who had actually gone through the buying-stuff-and-putting-it-in-boxes stage at home but had chosen, oh, a produce box with holes in the side, a few regular customers in the mix trying to do things like buy money orders and a very businesslike woman who was probably an eBay or etsy seller because, like me, she had a bin full of flat-rate packaging with prepaid postage labels printed and kept glaring at the counter that was covered with boxes blocking her from doing a drop-and-go.

Oh and kids. Kids EVERYWHERE because the whole family had come down to the post office to mail their care package to dad or son or daughter or whatever, allowed to run free because the parents were trying to deal with the unfamiliar and confusing world of the post office, and shrieking gleefully at getting to meet so many other new people.

Finally, behind the counter, two of the most stoic and patient clerks in the 220-year history of the US postal service, established by George Washington via the Postal Service Act in 1792, a cabinet department from 1872 until 1971, and an independent entity since then.

Thank you, Wikipedia.

To their credit, the post office was obviously prepared for this craziness.

There was a large counter set up with flat rate (and free!) boxes laid out at one end and purchasable mailing supplies laid out at the other end, and there were people emptying their Wal-Mart bags onto the counter and wrapping and packing industriously, then unpacking again once they were told that the box they were using would actually cost them money, then repacking into a free box, then complaining at the counter when they got up to the counter and found out how much shipping the “free” box would cost.

The most heartbreaking example was a couple who got their package up to the counter, all nicely bundled up and ready to send on its way, and then got to find out exactly how much it costs to send a large flat rate priority mail box to South Korea.

For the record, it’s $60.95.

There was a stunned moment as they stared at the clerk, who chose to return their gaze with the look of someone who had been giving people terrible news all day and for whom “mercy” had become a four-letter word.

Then the credit card came out.

My normal lunch run to the post office takes all of about 10 minutes, including driving time. Waiting in this line made the round trip closer to 50 minutes. I scarfed down drive-thru in the parking lot of my office, with barely time to chew, and still got back to my desk a couple minutes later than I honestly ought to have.

It was WORTH IT.

Posted in organization, random | Leave a comment

New Macintosh Time

Apple’s always had a bit of an… issue when it comes to pricing.  That is to say, they release new models that are just SLIGHTLY more expensive than the actual performance really justifies, and then they let the hardware stagnate for a couple of years while the pricing stays the same, which makes them outrageously expensive for what you’re getting, and then they refresh their product line and they’re reasonably priced for a few months.

The take-away is that you should buy a Mac only just after a refresh, and that’s the pattern I’ve been following since I took my first slug of Kupertino Kool-Aid back in 2006 with the purchase of a CoreDuo Mini.  I followed it up with the at-the-time brand new Macbook Pro 13″ in 2009 and now again with this 2012 i7 Mini.

 

 

 

Why, yes, that IS a “Big Macintosh” sitting on my new little Macintosh.

For some reason, while Apple was dropping perfectly good connectivity options like Firewire and microphone input from the new iMac line, they kept them on the Mini, managed to shove a quad-core processor in there, squeezed out space for a second hard drive if I want to put one in later and kept the price at the same as the old model.

They cut corners a little bit on the GPU, mind you – it’s only got Intel 4000 integrated graphics.  Still, that’s good enough to play Killing Floor at a decent frame rate so I think I can live with it.

I’ve also tried a little bit of gaming in Boot Camp.

Well, OK, I launched EQ2 and ran around a town for a little bit.

It worked out nicely, even at 2560×1440, but EQ2 is a terribly CPU-bound game that doesn’t really need much GPU oomph to get going, so it’s really playing to this thing’s strengths.

Video encoding is also quite snappy.  The AMD 6-core beast still beats it out by about 20%, but that’s what two more cores will get you.

Now, I loved my Macbook – it has a fantastic screen and the best trackpad EVAR – but since I’ve graduated college it’s been living a permanently-docked existence.  With the new Mini, I get to pass it down to my wife and everyone gets a new toy.

Oh, and the CoreDuo Mini?  It’s still chugging along as our server, tricked out with a massive 2GB of RAM and about 13TB of attached storage.  Doesn’t skip a beat.  🙂

 

Posted in mac, mlp:fim | Leave a comment

I’m thinking of a number between 7 and 9…

Installed Windows 8 on my main PC tonight.

So far, Metro is kind of obnoxious and the transitions between it and the traditional desktop are nothing short of jarring.

On the other hand, it’s replaced all the chrome and translucent bits and rounded corners of Windows 7 with a UI that is AWFULLY reminiscent of Windows 2000, which was an excellent OS.  It’s kind of odd how fresh it can feel to have straight edges again.

I’ll give it a few days to grow on me.

 

 

Posted in gadgets | Leave a comment

Double Damned

I can’t really recommend Springfield, Oregon to anyone.

That is to say, there’s nothing you can really point to about the town and say, specifically, that this or that other thing makes it a bad place to live or visit, there’s just a sort of gloom to the place, a sense of being overshadowed by its neighbor to the west in ways large and small.  It’s the place you live if Eugene is just a little too expensive, or if you would just rather not be around the stuck-in-the-60s attitude that still lingers there.

It’s the urban personification of ennui, really, the grey Sunday afternoon when you don’t really know what you want to do with the rest of the day but can sense Monday creeping up.

And, it’s the kind of place where you might stop for lunch, driving from points south to Portland with two hours of I5 in front of you, realize that you’re tired and maybe a little self-destructive and order yourself a sandwich made entirely of meat.

 

 

It’s almost passé now to make fun of the Double Down.  It had its brief moment of fame as an April Fool’s joke, followed by an advertising blitz that implied heavily that the sandwich in question was available only for a limited time and you should throw caution to the wind and get one while you can.

Oh, and they paid college-age women to walk around with ads on their butts:

At some point, the controversy and fervor died down and it quietly found a home on the regular menu, occupying the number eleven spot just above the Famous Bowl.

It makes it easier to order that way, really.  You never have to vocalize the fact that you want one of these things, you just have to confidently order the number eleven and tell yourself that the people behind the counter won’t judge you, can’t judge you, they’ve seen worse and lived to tell the tale.

This is probably true, actually.

There seems to be an art to eating a sandwich with no bun, and I fear that I missed the finer points of it to start.  I made the mistake of unwrapping and biting in and paid with a burned mouth.  This isn’t being cooled by being covered with mayo and shoved into a bun, it’s fried chicken patties directly from the boiling oil.  You need to let it steam and fume, let it expend some fraction of that heat in melting the cheese and warming the bacon, give it time to breathe.

Then, once it’s safe, you can eat it. Self loathing is normal here, but you can also pretend that you are eating it ironically.  It’s OK.

Ironically, it’s not all that terrible for you, at least in terms of raw calories.  Ditching the bun also means ditching an awful lot of empty carbs.

Now, in terms of fat, sodium and all kinds of other things you’re not supposed to have anymore… well, it’s not great there.

The only thing I can really say AGAINST the sandwich, apart from burning myself on it, is that it’s not really all that filling.  It would be easy to finish one, decide that you’ve got room for more, and order a second without considering the horror you are about to inflict on your stomach.

Still, even if you are stuck in Springfield for lunch, even if you’re actually stuck in the town on a rainy Sunday afternoon, even if you CAN feel Monday breathing down your neck and know that you are going to waste the rest of your day and go to bed with a vague sense of dissatisfaction that will take half the week to fade…

…you should probably stop at one.

 

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