Endearingly Optimistic

I’ve been at my current job for about 16 months, so I’m guessing I got this email based on it being a year since moving from “probationary employee” to “OK, we’re going to keep you around” full-time employee.

From: (our human resources director)
Sent: Friday, October 03, 2008 3:01 PM
To: (lovable old me)
Subject: 401k

You are now eligible to join the company’s 401k plan.  Let me know if you would like additional information on the program.

(our human resources director)
voice:  503.xxx.xxxx
fax:      503.xxx.xxxx

Let’s see, HOW much has the market gone down in the last few days?  I think I’ll just keep my money under my mattress, thanks.

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Can’t read your own shirt, huh?

One really popular pastime for native English speakers, when visiting Japan, is to gawk at and make fun of all the t-shirts with bizarre, fractured, or profane English prominently featured.

This, then, would be turnabout.

My wife has gotten rather hooked on the TV program “Bones”, which features a weekly dose of blood, gore, and oozing dead people.  It is, however, a network program, so it’s very careful with the language the characters use; it tends to stay firmly in the PG realm.

Anyway, we don’t actually WATCH weekly programming, as a rule, but we’ve bought the first two seasons on DVD and we’ve been watching them.

The other night, we’re watching this program, and after a family-friendly 40 minutes of the main characters trying to track down the killers of a guy who was found mostly dissolved in a bathtub full of …I want to say acid, but I think it was actually a strong base.  Lye’s a base, right?  “Acid” sounds cooler… anyway, after the main story is resolved, Angel Booth and Temperence are talking in her office, and  I notice that Angel Booth’s shirt is written in Japanese, and then I have to pause the episode and go back to make sure that it says what I thought it said.

”ファック ザ 世界”

“Fuck the world”

I’m going to guess that nobody on-crew could read the shirt they put on him, and just figured “Hey, Japanese looks cool, we’ll go with this one.”

Posted in movies & tv, random, 日本語 | Leave a comment

Achievement unlocked: You’re a son of a bitch.

OK, so a little more on Flatout: Ultimate Carnage, just because I got an achievement that was both insulting and strangely satisfying.

There’s a computer-controlled driver in Flatout UC named “Frank Malcov”.

Frank drives a big SUV, and he’s not a very good racer.  He never wins a race, as far as I can tell, and that’s not his purpose on the track.

Frank exists to be the bastard who, when he’s in third place and you’re in fourth, deliberately wreck himself AND you in order to stop you from catching up.  When I was just getting started with the game, I had a heck of a lot of 8th-and-lower place finishes as a result of old Frankie boy doing something mindbogglingly suicidal and aggrivating.

It is rare that I have actual hatred for an NPC, and I think that some credit is due the folks at Bugbear Entertainment for managing it.

Today I got the achievement “Frank Malcov Award”, which has the description of “Your driving makes Frank Malcov proud!”

There’s no other information, and there’s a fair amount of debate online as to what exactly counts for this achievement, but here’s my thought:

I got this directly after a race which I won by forcing the lead car into a wall just before the finish line, then driving head-on into another wall, which – while not on the track – was past the finish line.

So basically I think “Making Frank Malcov Proud” consists of being an absolute bastard to someone who’s about to win.

Posted in videogames, Xbox 360 | Leave a comment

(Re) Licensed to Kill

As previously noted, my poor Xbox 360 went off into the wild and scary world that is the Microsoft repair center in Texas, someone else’s poor, refurbished 360 was sent to me in its place and all should have been well again.

That is, it was mostly well again except for my XBLA titles, which were still tied to the last console.

Fortunately, it only took 17 minutes on the phone to get it straightened out, even though “getting it straightened out” just meant that they walked me through the license reassignment tool that you’re supposed to use when you BUY another 360, and which I don’t think you’re supposed to have to use when you have another 360 given to you by Microsoft.

This was good timing, since Xbox Live is down today – if I’d gotten the whacky urge to boot up Trigger Heart Exelica or Omega Five, I’d have been severely vexed.

Cripes, I played too much Everquest, I keep trying to type that word up there as “vxed”.

And now I’m consumed by the desire to say “keep trying to tipt that word up there as “vxed”.”

I need help.

Anyway, with my refurbished 360, I have been playing something a little out of character.

See, I have this good friend who keeps trying to get me hooked on two genres: Racing games, and tactical shooters.

This hasn’t worked out too well.  I did play through Rainbow Six: Vegas, but honestly that was helped considerably by the ability to put a snake cam under a door, target two or three bad guys, and tell my squad to go kill them all while I cowered in a corner.

Still, it was a good time spent blowing up stuff in Vegas, and I may even get the sequel once it drops to 20 bucks.

Racing games?  Not at all.  I’m not a Car Guy, so I don’t have the “cars-as-porn” thing going, and I have no clue about racing in Real Life, so there’s no attraction there.

I do occasionally buy hovercraft racing games – you know, Wipeout, F-Zero, even Extreme-G.  These have loud techno soundtracks and shiny graphics, which is all I really need for entertainment.

I play them a little bit and put them away.

The same goes for Daytona USA, which I’ve bought three times so far – on the Saturn when it was released, on the Saturn when they released Daytona CCE, and again on the Dreamcast.  I am Not Any Good at Daytona USA, but it’s a Sega-solidarity thing, really.

I’ve also got Ridge Racer for my PSP.  I don’t know WHY I have Ridge Racer for the PSP other than that it was the Game You Have To Buy With Your PSP, If You Already Have Lumines And Wipeout.  I’m going to blame it on Reiko Nagase.

It comes as something of a surprise, then, to find myself putting in “Flatout: Ultimate Carnage” as my “I don’t know what to do with myself, and I have a free half hour” game.

I’ve just unlocked the last three Cups in the Derby mode, which also unlocked a bunch of new cars, I’ve got $36000 in my virtual-car-spending-account, and if I didn’t have work in the morning, I’d be building myself a new set of wheels and getting down to some serious vehicular mayhem / racing.

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Quake ‘n Bake

So, if Wikipedia is to be believed – and they more-or-less match my own recollection, so we’ll go with it – Quake was released on June 22, 1996.

That’s a bit over 12 years ago.

So finally getting around to finishing it, well, I’m not sure whether to file that under “dogged persistence” or “incredible procrastination”, but I’m going to go with the one that makes me feel better about myself.

It gets points for being nasty difficult and yet never seeming completely unbalanced, and it loses points for, well, having a single ending screen – no cinematic, no credit scroll, nothin’

Literally, you walk through a teleporter and you get a “You win!” static screen.

Well, ok, so the first dozen times I walked through the teleporter, I wound up in the lava.  I couldn’t figure out what was going on, and I DEFINITELY didn’t know what I’d done right when it DID give me the “You win!” screen.  I had to go find a FAQ to tell me how I’d just won.  🙂

Still and all, definitely worth the ride to the end.   And, having beaten Half-Life, Doom, AND Quake all this year, I think I can stop delving into pre-2000 PC games for a while now.  🙂

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In the club, again!

Not only did my Xbox 360 die (and, miraculously, return from the dead, albeit with a different serial #), but I’m a Washington Mutual customer and cnn is telling me that my bank just failed.

This may be an odd reaction, and all that, but, you know, when you’re kind of the weird guy that doesn’t have much in common with anyone else, you have to take common ground with the rest of humanity where you can find it.

Also I’m curious to see FDIC insurance actually in action.  It’s one of those things you take for granted, but you never really expect to see it working.

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Xbox, come back to me.

Well, Microsoft gets reasonably good marks for turnaround time in supplying me with a “Certified Microsoft Replacement Xbox360 Console” to replace my sadly deceased console.  It arrived last night, happily encased in a plain, but well-padded box which I will be retaining for the eventual day when I have to send it back for another replacement.

Of course, I didn’t luck into a new, HDMI-enabled, quieter-fan & drive console.  The one I got back was actually about a month older than the one I sent in.

Oh, and also of course, Microsoft botched the license reassignments, so I can’t actually play any of my XBLA titles without being logged into Xbox Live, even after following their instructions to redownload them from the Marketplace download history.

This would be why I hate the idea of download services instead of having physical media.  I’m going to have to call Microsoft’s customer service and try to get it sorted out, and I’m really not looking forward to that.

At least I’m only in for about 50 bucks worth of XBLA stuff.  Space Giraffe, Geometry Wars, Trigger Heart Exelica, Omega Five, Boogie Bunnies, and Rez HD are the only things I’ve paid for – if I can’t get Undertow and Carcassone back, it won’t bother me all that much.

But they had best get me back my shooters, or, or, or…

well, I guess I’d have to pout at them, or something.

That’s no idle threat.

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Dungeons: Sieged.

I am told that there is an ancient enmity between people who consider themselves “jRPG fans” and people who consider themselves “cRPG fans”, which really only goes to show that people will bitch about anything.

I’m not about to get into the which-is-better thing, but empirically speaking, I guess I fall into the “jRPG fan” bucket.  I’ve played tons of console RPGs since I first got hooked back in the Genesis days, but Dungeon Siege is the first game I’ve completed that falls definitively into the “cRPG” genre.

Well, I did complete Ultima III back on the Atari 8-bit, but I cheated to do it.  I came close to finishing Ultima IV legitimately, but got hung up in the Abyss and never went back.

Being a cRPG, It’s got the create-your-own-hero thing going on, and you get to pick and choose your party members – you even have to pay most of them to join you.  Game designers do this sort of thing for extra realism, I guess.

Then, it’s got characters who aren’t buttonholed into any specific job: you can take a dwarf who’s clearly designed to be a melee fighter and turn him into an archer, or into a mage if you really want to put a hell of a lot of effort in to it, and all the gear in the game is usable by any character who has the requisite stats to wear it.

So after you spend hours and hours casting spells to make your dwarf a mage, you can then turn around and spend hours and hours grinding melee until he can wear plate armor, too.
In short, you have a lot of character customization options, should you really want to get in to them.

I didn’t do much of that.  As soon as I had half-a-dozen party members and a couple of mules, I pretty much gave them all jobs and let them go with it.

OK, so I made the dwarf into an archer and turned one nature mage into a combat mage, but eh, these weren’t big things.

The game does sacrifice some story logic for the sake of its openness.  For example, let’s take the sad case of Merik and Merik’s staff.

Warning: Light spoiler follows.

At the end of chapter 3 (of 9), you meet a mage named Merik, who is quite upset because some goblins have stolen his staff, and it’s going to be used to destroy the world or something if they can unlock its powers.

At the end of chapter 4 (of 9), you get his staff back.

What was rather amusing about this was that Merik’s staff had a required INT of 28, and Merik himself at this point only had an INT of 23.

So Merik couldn’t even use his own staff until, oh, chapter 6 or so.

This sort of thing dogged me throughout the game, in fact.  There’s a point, very near the end of the game, where you’re told:

“Hey, you’re the genuine article.  Go forth and save the world.  Here’s a shedload of ancient magical artifacts for your own personal use in saving the world.”

Unfortunately, only one of my six characters had stats high enough to use any of the ancient magical artifacts I was supposed to use to save the world, so they pretty much just went and saved the world with their old stuff.

At least I wasn’t penalized for doing so.

All told, it was a good time, particularly the last third or so of it where the action ratcheted up a notch or four.  It wasn’t a hugely long game, which was actually something I quite appreciate – I have a couple of games that, even though they’re reputedly AAA-class RPGs, they’re also known for taking 80+ hours to play through and I cringe at the thought of that (Okami, I’m looking at you).

Oh, and it has a really neat dragon:

Downsides:  The story is very patchy in the middle – in the start of the game, you pick up a bunch of books that you can read to get a sense of the world, and towards the end of the game you get lots of NPC interaction to tell you what’s going on, but there’s a middle bit where either there’s not much story or I missed the NPCs that would give me the quests where I could get more of the story.

That coincides with the dreaded Swamp Level.  It took a bit of mental fortitude to stick with the game through that part.

Oh, and yes, it has a Lava Level, but it’s quite nice looking and relatively short, so I didn’t mind it at all.

Posted in PC Gaming, videogames | 2 Comments

Auction ranting

So I’ve run two sets of auctions lately, as I try to clear out space.

The first was mostly old games.  We’re talking, Apple II games, other early 8-bit micro stuff, TurboGrafx, Sega CD, that sort of stuff.

I had 12 auctions that got bids, and I got 11 Paypal payments the day the auctions ended.  The last guy took, oh, 24 hours to get his payment to me.

My only gripe was that I had a Canadian bidder who complained that it was more expensive to ship to Canada, which I will let slide because he also dropped a couple hundred bucks on mid-80s videogames.

By way of contrast, I then ran a bunch of auctions for, well, toys, mostly anime-related toys but some comic-book-related toys as well.  This time, I had 16 auctions get bids.

I’ve had:

7 actual payments.

1 bidder ask if he could pay me in “Transformers” figures instead of cash.

1 bidder ask if he can pay me next Tuesday, because that’s when he gets paid.

1 bidder wants to send me a money order because he “doesn’t do Paypal”

and 6 winning bidders that I haven’t heard from at all.

Lesson learned: Toy collectors are a pain in the arse.

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My cup runneth over

I called the Xbox service line tonight and was rewarded by an automated message telling me that my Xbox 360 had been “fixed” (read: replaced with another, refurbed, console) and was on its way back to me.

So that’s a good thing, but in the meantime…

I’m playing through both Quake, courtesy of the Dark Places engine, and Dungeon Siege, courtesy of $10 budget releases.

I’ve also got the Witcher on hold. I’ve been putting off playing it for nearly a year now – first, it was released with hideous loading times, then by the time they’d corrected that, the word was that they were considering releasing an updated version, so I’ve been waiting on that, and the updated version finally comes out Friday for those of us who bought the UK version because we wanted more skin.

So I ought to push that near the top of the stack.

Oh, and I found Doom3, used, for $4.99, and I’m betting that it should look pretty nice on the PC I built last February, and I bought the F.E.A.R. pack with the original game and the expansions because I hear it’s actually pretty damn good at creeping you out.

So, basic’ly, I have a hell of a lot of PC gaming to do.

But I’m still glad my Xbox is on its way home.

Posted in PC Gaming, videogames | Leave a comment