In which I try an F2P MMORPG

I don’t think it’s any shocker to anyone that my formative years revolved, in great part, around a bag full of polyhedral dice and a handful of friends with whom to roll them.

Dungeons and Dragons is something that I heard about at school in probably the 2nd or 3rd grade.  It was the latest in a list of things that adults thought were bad for me – other entries on this list were comic books and chocolate milk – so of course I was intensely curious about it.

I didn’t get my first taste until 1983, though, when TSR released their infamous “Red Box” D&D Basic Set.  A school chum got a copy and, needing someone else to play with, taught me how to roll up a character and how to play.

My first character had middling stats but got a lucky wisdom roll, so of course it became a cleric. This wasn’t a bad choice, in retrospect; D&D clerics at low levels are capable of hanging with the fighter classes in melee and add some spell power to the occasion.  It helped, of course, that we didn’t realize that you could only cast spells once per day, though since my friend was having me play through adventures by myself, it was probably a good thing that I was able to cast Cure Light Wounds as often as I wanted.

As an aside, the “Cleric” illustration in the D&D Basic Set looks like this, which was a source of endless amusement for my friend.  We were young lads in our “girls are yucky” years, after all.

Anyway, that basic set gave way to the expert set and so on, and then we eventually graduated to Advanced Dungeons and Dragons and branched out into Gamma World and Twilight 2000 and, oh, all kinds of different games, and then we hit our mid teens and the whole thing sort of went by the wayside.

Recently, however, I’ve been back in a gaming group, in a campaign set in the Eberron setting, which is, as I understand it, the current Official Campaign Setting of Dungeons and Dragons.

Back in my tender years, the Big Trend in campaign settings was Realism, Realism, Realism – or, at least, a highly fantasized version of Realism which ignored the fact that most people lost all their teeth and died by the age of 30 and were considered to have lived to a Ripe Old Age.

Eberron, on the other hand, is Wizards of the Coast looking at Realistic Fantasy on one hand, and looking at how well the Final Fantasy games sell on the other hand, and deciding that setting D&D in a world with airships and magical Shinkansen trains might not be such a bad idea inasmuch as the kids of today want a little more Cloud and Tifa and a little less King Arthur and Guinevere.

Anyway, it’s taken a little getting used to as an Old Geezer gamer, which is why I recently signed up for Turbine’s free-to-play “Dungeons and Dragons Online”, set in Eberron and thus serving as a rather nice reference to all the back-story that the DM uses rather freely during our sessions but which I have very little clue about.

Eberron is full of that Deep Political Intrigue stuff, after all, with all kinds of Great Houses plotting and scheming against each other, all with Authentic Fantasy Names (which is to say, generally difficult to pronounce and impossible to remember) and it’s a little easier to keep track of when you can attach visual cues to things.

Anyway, so, uh, D&D Online is a game that, until recently, I knew only as “that game that couple was hooked on while their kids starved” which isn’t the best association to have with a game.  Also, it was one of the early high-profile examples of Pay-To-Play games converting to Free-To-Play-With-Cash-Shop, which is to say that it had sort of a stink of failure about it.

Since then, of course, plenty of top-shelf games have done the same and the stigma is somewhat lessened.

Anyway, I spent a couple of hours downloading it, was rather impressed that it asked me if I wanted to use DX11 graphics, was rather underwhelmed by the “DX11 graphics” once I finally got into game and was out-and-out astounded by how poor the character models were for a high-budget MMORPG, but I put that aside in favor of running around the starting area and getting some quests on.

Hey, I just last year subscribed to Dark Age of Camelot and played it for a couple of months, I’m obviously not THAT picky about graphics.

So far it’s, well, it’s not a very polished experience.  Quest givers are a little tricky to find and the first hub town you come to after the newbie area is pretty confusing so far.

That said, I’ve gotten to level 3 – which is not half bad, in D&D terms – and I’m looking forward to starting to tackle level 3 instances so I guess they’ve managed to get their hooks in a bit.  It helps that I got a Big Flaming Sword as an early quest reward.  If you want me to play a game centered around killing things to gather Shiny Objects – which is, after all, a pretty good way to describe any MMORPG – giving me a Big Flaming Sword is a pretty good way to start.

And, after all, the price is right.

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Wait, I have a reason to turn on the Wii?

I have to confess that I ran into a bad case of writer’s block about a month ago.

See, after finishing Defense Grid, I decided to play through Brutal Legend, and when I was done with it I simply couldn’t find any way to write about it.

I mean, I loved the story and characters, the art, naturally enough the music… I just hated the fact that the story was far too often interrupted by painful bits of having to play a game I wasn’t really enjoying.  It was at once one of my favorite games of the year and one of my least favorite games, and I simply didn’t have any way to put that into words.

In the intervening month, I’ve played through Hydrophobia, Singularity, Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood, Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal, and even taken a couple of hours to play through the bridging DLC that connects Fear 2 to the copy of Fear 3 I have waiting for me to play it, but it all keeps coming back to “man, I should really write something about Brutal Legend”

So, I’ve decided to leave it at what I’ve written so far and get on with today’s topic, which is Price of Persia: The Forgotten Sands.

I did, of course, play Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands last year.  I’m quite a fan of the series, where “the series” is something I define as having started with Sands of Time and then not having any more entries until POP ‘2008.

But, I played it on the PS3, and I discovered recently that the Wii version was, in fact, a completely different game and rather well thought of.

Shortly after finding this out, I stumbled across a copy of the Wii game for a hair under 20 bucks, added it to my library, and then forgot about it until the other night, when I finished Ratchet & Clank up and started trolling the shelves for something different.

I’m about three hours into it now – well, since the game doesn’t count the time spent dying, maybe just a HAIR over three hours – and I am nothing but impressed.  Even with the grapevine telling me that the Wii version was something different and good, I had really anticipated Yet Another Shoddy Wii Port, and what I got was a game which might just be my second favorite PoP game yet, and which might even have stood a chance of dethroning Sands of Time if it weren’t for the wagglecombat and the latest in Homicidal Camera Technologies.

It’s pretty (and I hope you’ll just mentally add “for a Wii game” in where it’s appropriate), the environments are nicely atmospheric, the banter between Prince and Companion (something almost completely lacking in the PS3 version) is nicely snarky, and it promises to provide me many more hours of fun times dodging whirling saw blades and arrow traps with Inexplicably Infinite Arrow Supplies.

As a system, the Wii is diving heads on towards its date with the clearance bins.  Its life has been marked by an awful lot of pathetic shovel-ware, just enough first-party titles to keep the Nintendo Faithful, well, faithful, and a bare handful of third party games that have been worth a damn.

As it dies, it’s awfully nice to have found one more title to add into that last category.

 

 

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I have some pretty keen friends

No new updates for a while usually means that I’m sucked into an MMO, this time is an exception in that I have been sucked into quite a few excellent single player games over the last couple of weeks and have been chipping away at the backlog nicely.

I also had a birthday recently, and received some excellent gifts to commemorate the occasion.  One in particular stands out because it was given to me by a grown woman who was, I think, attempting to determine whether I was capable of shame.  Note that the following, which is a small zippered pouch, was given to me with about 8 witnesses in the room:

I will honor her gift by proudly using it to store my new dice in and will display it without shame at all gaming events.

 

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No Unicorns Whatsoever

So, if past years are anything to go by, there’s a Steam Summer Sale coming soon, and if you like cheap games, it’s like a little Christmas in June.

It’s also a reason to pause and reflect on the games I bought in the last Steam Summer Sale and to think about how many I haven’t beaten yet.

That’s quite a few.

Hmm.

At least I did take a few days and play one of those previously-neglected titles – Hidden Path Entertainment’s “Defense Grid: The Awakening” – so I feel like I’m not just shoveling money into Steam’s coffers with nothing to show for it.

Anyway, “Defense Grid” is a tower defense game with all that implies.  You have towers, see, and you have hordes of ravening aliens, and you need to place towers in strategic ways so that they can shoot at the hordes of ravening aliens, and you can upgrade towers and use them to shape the flow of the incoming aliens and that’s all well and good but it’s not the reason to buy the game.

The reason, as I see it, is that your computer partner is one of the more fleshed out characters I’ve seen in a video game lately, which is quite a feat for a disembodied voice.  He’s been dead for over a thousand years – preserved as an AI in case his skills were needed to beat back aforementioned aliens, he misses his son and he really misses raspberries.  He cheers you on when you’re doing well, he has a fairly good set of witty comments he uses infrequently enough that they’re still usually funny, and he doesn’t judge you too harshly when you lose, which I did a lot.

The game keeps track of your stats, you see, and looking at my stats revealed that, over the course of playing through the game’s story missions, I had 114 losses to 20 wins, which is not a good ratio at all.

Simply put, I’m not at all surprised that the designers elected to have frequent autosaves and to let you step back through the autosave states by simply pressing “backspace”, because there were lots of times where I thought that I was doing great, that my towers were defending and so on and so forth and then I’d get curbstomped by a sudden invasion of something I wasn’t ready for.

The last level, in particular, was a test in perseverance.  It took me the better part of two hours to figure it out, and my final victory was, well, it relied on a completely unexpected quirk in alien pathing, where I accidentally added a tower and watched, gleefully, as the entire invading army switched to, basically, walking down one side of a row of towers, turning around, and walking down the other side of the row of towers before continuing on towards their goal.

It was pretty glorious.

With 114 losses, it took me 13 hours to finish the story mode, and – excepting certain frustration near the game’s end – I had fun the whole way.  There’s a certain joy in building up unassailable defenses and watching as your forces repel attack after attack, and there’s an equal near-adrenaline-rush feeling that comes on as you watch your defenses fail and need to figure out what you’re going to do next.

Oh, as noted, it features absolutely no unicorns whatsoever, so I get to salvage a few tattered shreds of the remnants of my masculinity.

And that’s always a good thing.

 

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Being Employed Actually Kind of Rocks

So, I graduated about three months ago, and my bosses at the university were kind enough to let me hold on to my student job through the end of Spring term, but it was a job with an expiration date of mid-June, something that provided ample incentive to go looking for work.

This was not something I was looking forward to – the job market is touchy these days in the best of markets, and I’m not in the best of markets – so it was with a great deal of relief that I found myself, on the 6th, at a new employer, happily sizing up a new cubicle, signing up for benefits and a membership at the corporate gym – and I WILL be making use of it, if for no other reason than that traffic is murder around the place at 5 and spending half an hour on an exercise bike is a welcome delay tactic – and generally settling in.

I shouldn’t actually say “new employer”, because I’m actually returning to a company I worked for in the mid 90s, but it’s been long enough that just about everyone I know has moved on.  A mostly new employer, anyway.

So, come September when my student loans start coming due, I should actually be able to make payments on them.  What recent graduate could ask for more?

 

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Speaking of Unicorns…

My excursion into casual gaming is in no way an indication of any sort of unicorn fixation.  It’s a curious coincidence and nothing more.

I do not have a unicorn problem.

Let’s proceed, shall we?

Popcap’s “Peggle” franchise was, before Angry Birds came along, the Most Hated Enemy of the Hardcore Gamer, or so I’ve gathered from lurking in various gaming forums over the years.  It’s a sort of pachinko-meets-Puzzle-Bobble sort of affair, where your goal is to, well, let’s have a picture for the audience:

As you can see, the screen is covered with an awful lot of little blue things, and a few little orange things, and your goal is to bounce pachinko balls off the assorted things and eventually hit all the little orange things.  You’re given a limited number of pachinko balls, though you can earn more during the course of a level, and there are assorted little green and purple things that give you power-ups or more points or what have you.

Basically, it’s the sort of thing anyone should be able to pick up and understand within about five minutes, which probably explains some of the ire thrown its direction.

Now, being the Hardcore Gamer that I am, I certainly wouldn’t pay for such nonsense.  There’s no shooting things in the head, there’s no world rendered in assorted shades of brown, and there’s certainly no World Changing Dramatic Storyline told through Carefully-Crafted Set Pieces.

On the other hand, if Valve decided to give me a ten level version of this fluff, tarted up with references to the games of the Orange Box, you couldn’t fault me for giving it a spin, right?

Well, they did, and it sat in my Steam library for a couple of years, and then I decided to give it a go – again, no unicorn fixations, honest – and it took me about half an hour to play through the ten sample levels.

After that I went back and started playing them again.

That’s a bad sign.

Deciding to see what happens if you clear every OTHER colored pin on a level before you clear the last orange pin, that’s another bad sign.

For the record, you get treated to the following two screens:

And:

Now, I of course am far too much of a Serious Gamer to be swayed by bright colors and cheery music and other such trivial kerfluffle, and I certainly will not be buying the full version.

…well, at least not until the Steam Summer Sale.

 

Posted in PC Gaming, videogames | 1 Comment

Brush brush brush brush

 

So I noticed something very odd when I booted my Windows box yesterday, specifically something very odd on my Steam friends list.

I had two friends on and actively in-game, and both of them were playing something called Secret of the Magic Crystals.

This turned out to have been the Steam Daily Deal, making a five dollar game about raising magical horses into, apparently, an irresistible deal at $2.50.

Browsing the Steam thread on the Penny Arcade forums – a wretched hive of classy gentlemen – reinforced this impression. Grown men, who by all rights ought to have been living out vicarious male fantasies in Duke Nukem Forever or similar were, instead, raising and training unicorns, pegasai, and fire-breathing horses.

Obviously I needed to investigate this for myself.

As part of my campaign to skew Steam’s OS usage statistics – and because it just seemed a more appropriate platform for magic horses – I switched back to my MacBook and laid my money down.

First impressions were positive. The first thing you see, after selecting a save slot and engendering your character, is an actually-rather-attractive farm, with weather effects and a day/night cycle. It’s basically a menu from which you choose activities – you don’t ever walk around your farm, as far as I can tell – but it’s a really pretty menu.

It’s not the main draw, of course, so I dutifully followed the tutorial advice and trotted off to the stable to meet my first horse.

See what I did there? Honestly it takes a force of will not to fill this entire post with horse jokes.

Anyway, I met my first horse and it was a little disappointing. It didn’t have wings or breathe fire or anything, it was just a little colt sitting in a stable.

Again following the tutorial, I picked a brush off a nearby hook and commenced grooming.

Brush brush brush brush BAM.

My colt exploded into a full-grown unicorn.

Now, as far as mythical horses go, the unicorn is one of the duller ones. That’s a bit harsh, I suppose, but once you’ve gotten past “it has a horn and can detect virgins”, there’s not much to them.

Nonetheless, I had a unicorn. It was time to get to training.

Training takes place in the corral, and consists of mini games where I sent my unicorn jumping over gates, or walking down forest paths, or – and this was actually a little disturbing – dragging heavy loads along the ground, all of these while playing a little mini game involving pressing arrow keys at the right times.

This enhanced my unicorn’s stats, but also tired it out. After a couple of training sessions, he needed to go back to the barn for more brushing.

Brushing seems to really be at the core of the game. You have three different brushes – for body, head, and hoof grooming – and it seems like you really need to vary which you’re using; sticking to the body brush alone won’t get your horse back in the mood for more training.

A couple of rounds of training followed by grooming had most of my unicorn’s stats at or near the maximums, and it seemed like it was time to get to questing, which is how you earn money, which you use to buy more horses, or upgrade your buildings to hold more horses, or buy things from the in-game store to improve your horses, or well I didn’t really get too far into this; it seems pretty deep really.

Money, however, seemed like a good thing to have more of even if I didn’t quite have a handle on all the uses for it, so questing it was.

After the mini games in the training session, questing was a little disappointing. I opened my mailbox and the first quest was a simple request from a neighbor to go deliver a letter. Accepting this quest sent my unicorn prancing off-screen, leaving me with nothing to do but watch a clock tick away.

A minute or so later, he came back, a little tired, and I got a gift of 30… Well, 30 of whatever the in-game currency represents.

Since he wasn’t too worn out, and since I wanted to keep the money flowing in, I immediately opened and selected the next quest, from a neighbor who needed a horse to plough something.

Disaster struck.

A minute later, as my unicorn slunk dejectedly back on-screen, something was obviously wrong. He needed medical attention.
In the barn, I was able to do a checkup and determine that he needed medication – medication that was going to wipe out most of my earnings for the day, but essential medicine nonetheless. I dropped the 50 currency on the medicine, got a sparkly hypodermic, and then couldn’t figure out how to actually apply it.

It is an oddly helpless feeling to be staring at a sick unicorn, knowing you hold the key to its recovery, and yet unable to figure out how to make the two interact.

Worse still, when I closed the game to see if I could find any advice online, I apparently exposed a bug that resulted in the game not actually saving my progress, meaning that my unicorn simply poofed into the ether, lost for all time.

Now, this is clearly a game aimed at young girls, and I believe that this sort of bug is simply unconscionable.

Imagine, if you will, that you are the father of a young girl whose magical horse has just fallen ill and then – for all intents and purposes – died.

Imagine the Talk you are about to have with your daughter.

I don’t think the Dead Unicorn Talk is something anyone should have to endure.

That aside, there’s a lot of the game I haven’t seen yet, so it might be worth another go-round if they fix the save issue.

After all, those unicorns won’t brush themselves.

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Thinking with Portals

It is terribly tempting to continue talking about games that have few redeeming qualities other than cute girls with glasses, but I do occasionally break out of my rut and play something that, well, you could have out on the coffee table with your mum over and not feel too embarrassed about.

That’s not to say that the internet hasn’t done horrible horrible things to Valve’s creation.  It does, after all, feature a female lead, and a google image search of “portal 2 rule 34” shows that some people have devoted significant time and thought to the more salacious possibilities of portals.

I did have to look up how to spell “salacious”, but it turned out that I’d gotten it right the first time.  Of course, the only reason I know the word at all is that it was the name, or part of the name, of Jabba’s pet in “Return of the Jedi”.  I don’t have a word of the day calendar or anything.

I do have a birthday coming up soon, but calendars aren’t traditional June gifts.

Where was I?

Oh, yes, Portal 2.  The original Portal was the second-best game of 2007, the top spot being occupied by Brave Story: New Traveler, an assertion which I make knowing full well that it will draw the ire of anyone who actually reads this, though of course I don’t really have many readers and thus I should be fairly safe.  It was, and here we’re back to Portal, almost an afterthought, stuck into the Orange Box with a sort of “look, you’re getting this free with the Half Lifes and the Team Fortress, don’t complain that it’s only 4 hours long”  attitude, and it of course destroyed the internet, becoming a memetic force strong enough to rival cats and cheeseburgers.

Portal 2, being a full-priced game, had to be a bit longer, and it is.  I spent about 10 hours playing through it, and it would have taken me much longer if my wife hadn’t been watching me play and pointing out bits that I’d missed, and I’m happy to report that it is, much like the original, bloody brilliant.  GlaDOS is wonderfully insane, the new characters are great fun, and the puzzling is usually just tricky enough to make you feel terribly satisfied with yourself for getting things right without making you pull your hair out.

That’s an expression, of course; I keep my hair cut with a #1 guide and therefore pulling it out would take tweezers and a great deal of tenacity.

But I digress, again.

I did find myself terribly, terribly frustrated at times during the middle act of the game, which was a combination of a Big Twist and a “hey, here’s a bunch of new mechanics you need to learn”, but that was also the part of the game that was full on fan-service and was somewhat redeemed as a consequence.

Oh, and the final portal of the game – and I will not spoil it here – was the single most “that cannot possibly be the solution, but I’ll try it anyway OH MY GOD” moment I’ve experienced in any game ever.

So, good stuff.

I haven’t played the co-op campaign yet, but I plan to abduct someone and force them to play it with me.  The single player mode sets up the rationale for it pretty nicely, and I’m looking forward to another few hours with GlaDOS.

Portal 2 did have a side nod to Half Life: Episode 2, which was almost cruel of Valve to throw in, and it did have one fleeting mention of cake, but I will forgive them those two things as long as Episode 3 comes out before I turn 40.

You’ve got some time, Valve.

 

 

 

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Shoot it in the head, and other advice from Otomedius

It’s been nearly three years since I stumbled across an Otomedius machine in an Akihabara arcade, two and a half years since it got a home release, 15 months since it got a budget price re-release, 10 months since I hand-imported a copy of the budget re-release and a Japanese 360S to play it on, and barely over a month to go until the sequel is released, localized, in North America.

So getting around to spending some serious time with it now is, well, actually for me that’s almost timely.

But what IS Otomedius?

Well, basically, it’s a game where you defend yourself after wave after wave of murderous penguins.

Sunbathing penguins, construction worker penguins, penguin mummies, penguins floating from balloons and dropping explosive watermelons… penguins.

OK, so there are some other enemy types, but they don’t stand out as much.

It’s got character designs by Yoshizaki Mine, which means that you can expect a certain top-heaviness to the main characters.

This is not the main character.  I don’t really care.

If the homicidal penguin thing hasn’t already sold you, I will add that it features well-timed, but barely-comprehensible strategy tips from time to time, such as when a boss appears on screen and you are instructed to “shuuto itto in za heddo”

It’s a glorious thing.

Here, watch a few minutes of it:

I have actually tried a few times to get into it and have been roundly thwarted on all previous attempts because I didn’t really understand the power-up system and because I was dumb and – not understanding the power-up system – tended to select the “automatically assign my power ups as you see fit” option, which tended to result in the game selecting SPEED SPEED AND MORE SPEED, meaning that my on-screen character tended to zip around the screen like a hummingbird on acid at the slightest jiggle of the directional stick, which is not very conductive to long-term survival in a game where you’re often trying to fly between laser fire with a very small margin of error.

Once I figured out that the auto-power-up feature was killing me and turned it off, I actually started to do fairly well, by which I mean that I can almost complete the game on one credit on “easy” except for the last boss which is a real pain in the arse.

The game has several difficulty levels above “easy”, but let’s not talk about them right now.

Anyway, it’s bloody unlikely that the original game will ever be released outside of Japan, but at least the sequel is coming out in the US.  Whether I buy it or not will be highly dependent on whether it’s possible to use the original voices, of course.

Posted in meganekko, videogames, Xbox 360 | Leave a comment

Country Roads, take me Homefront.

A couple of months ago, I bought THQ’s Red-Dawn-inspired shooter, Homefront, played it for a little over two hours, put it down in disgust and immediately got sucked into Rift.

Last night, I decided that I would pick it back up and finish the single player campaign, which took another two hours or so.

I was going to come here and rant further about the game, but then I read a few news articles about how THQ’s stock had lost nearly a quarter of it’s value in one day as soon as the metacritic score for Homefront hit, and I decided that I really didn’t need to slam it any more. They’ve suffered enough, really.

In fact, I will offer it a small compliment: very late in the game – nearly at the four hour mark, so mere minutes before the ending credits – your character is forced to make his way across the beams and girders of a bridge while being harassed by a helicopter.

You know, like that one cool bit in Half-Life 2?

Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is that you’ve been separated from the NPC allies you’ve been saddled with throughout most of the game up until that point, so for a few precious moments you don’t have them shouting at you to pick something up or go throw a switch or shoot the guy in the tower with the RPG or ANYTHING.

It’s just, you know, you get to play the game, and even if it only involves walking forward along a rigidly linear path shooting scripted enemies like popup targets in a shooting gallery, it’s still kind of – and this is a curious word to be associated with this title – it’s still kind of fun.

So there you go. I still quite regret having preordered it, but it did have that one good bit.

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