Superpowers, rather atypical:

When I was a young lad – and this is somewhat dating myself – one of the first comics I owned was this fine issue of DC Comics Presents, which features two guys, who both like to wear their underwear on the outside, beating each other up in France.

It is entirely possible that this sort of thing happens in France on a regular basis. I’ve never been, so I can only extrapolate from what I’ve seen in movies and television, all of which seem to take place in about a half-mile radius of the Eiffel Tower.

There is presumably more to France than that, and flying men in spandex are presumably a rare sight, but I can’t be SURE.

Anyway, any kind of “Superman Versus” comic, especially pre-Crisis, has certain… issues.  Let’s review, here, our two combatants:

Hawkman:  Can fly, is pretty strong, likes ancient weaponry and presumably has access to all kinds of advanced Thanagarian technology that he doesn’t use on Earth for some reason that is probably really good but I forget.

Weaknesses include, well, he’s just a guy with wings so weaknesses include bullets.

Superman: Can fly, is REALLY strong, invulnerable, doesn’t need to breathe, can travel in time, has access to all kinds of advanced Kryptonian technology and, oh yes, HEAT VISION.

Weaknesses are, well, Kryptonite and magic.  This particular comic was from a period of DC history where Kryptonite was about the third most common element on the planet solely because they didn’t have anything else they could threaten Superman with, but Hawkman does not, in fact, have any Kryptonite with him at the moment.

Let’s be blunt here – any actual fight between these two would have Superman momentarily paralyzed simply from having TOO MANY ways to beat the stuffing out of his JLA buddy here.

Instead, he figures out that Hawkman is being mind controlled and SAVES THE DAY thanks to a hitherto unmentioned and presumably immediately forgotten superpower.

Your first hint:

Oh, that’s right, Superman has super-hearing.  Forgot that one when I was going through the list above.  Forgot microscopic vision, too, and super-breath.  I’m sure I’ll think of some more in a bit.

Still, super-hearing by itself isn’t the key to this particular riddle.

Picture, if you will, a lonely night in the JLA Satellite.  Superman is stuck on monitor duty and Shayera is being crabby so Katar is hanging out to avoid going home.  Imagine a few beers drunk and Superman finally saying “OK, dude, there’s something I’ve wanted to ask you for ages but I haven’t had the nerve.  Can you teach me…”

So there you have it, on the printed page, mentioned here and presumably never ever EVER again.

My pet theory for what happened AFTER Superman learned Bird Language is that he went to Aquaman for a primer on Fish Language and Aquaman was all “Look, man, this is the ONE THING I do, it’s MY THING and you are NOT taking it from me.”

That’s just a theory, though.

 

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Blades of Time

Three years ago, I played and rather enjoyed the ever-so-slightly-questionable 3d brawler X-Blades. It wasn’t a perfect game by any means, or even necessarily very good, but it let me run through some very impressive scenery and beat stuff up while staring at the backside of a character with very relaxed notions as to what constituted combat wear.

I am a boy-type person and I am allowed to admit this.

Anyway, despite a metacritic score hovering in the 50s, there were apparently enough other shameless boy-type people out there to justify a sequel, of sorts, though the publishers really aren’t pointing out the connection between that game and the just-released Blades of Time. The main character has the same name, sure, and carries a pair of big swords, and is more or less in the same line of work – that is to say, Resource Extraction By Killing Things And Taking Their Stuff, but the character designs have been tweaked to pander just a LITTLE less and the events from the other game are never referenced.

Before I move on to that game, one last word on X-Blades. When i played it in 2009, it surprised me primarily by being engaging enough that, when I was done with the story and unfortunate enough to get the Bad Ending, I started over and played through it again to get the Good Ending. I pretty much don’t ever do this.

Blades of Time, then, has also managed to pull off the unexpected and unlikely. That is, after I finished the storyline, I decided to take a look at the online multiplayer and have been enjoying the heck out of it, again something I pretty much never do.

To step back a moment, before I continue on talking about the game’s online component, I’ll take a moment to cover the single player game. You play as Ayumi, a blonde pig-tailed lass who apparently belongs to some sort of treasure hunting guild. Your guild has a sphere thingy that allows people to travel to “Dragon Land”, a realm of epic loot and great danger. They reserve the privilege of traveling to Dragon Land for the best and brightest of the guild, so you of course bust in to the ceremony where they’re sending people treasure hunting, kill all of your former guild mates and take their place. Once IN Dragon Land, you find that there’s no way to get back without invading an ancient temple and blah blah blah you have to kill a lot of stuff to get home.

You have the normal assortment of ways to interact with your hapless victims; you can kick them in the head, hit them with things sharp and pointy or simply shoot them. You also get a few magical abilities, standard stuff like throwing fire and so on.

The HOOK, as it were, is revealed in the game’s title. You can manipulate time itself. Basically, you hold down a button for a minute and watch yourself and everything else “rewind”, then release the button and watch it all play out again with the ability to move around and do things while it’s playing out. You create copies of yourself while this is happening, which allows for some genuinely bad-ass moments where, for example, you are shooting the same giant boss alien god robot thing from five different angles at once, or ripping open its armor so another copy of you can step in and stab it in the newly exposed vulnerable bits.

Also it’s used in some rather annoying button puzzles, where you have to stand on, for example, three buttons at once. This is less epic.

In a further example of telling Physics to get stuffed, you can, well, not precisely fly, but you can jump to an enemy flying 10 feet above your head, stab it a bit, jump from it as it dies and grab one of its friends, jump off HIM after you’ve stabbed him a bit and continue until you run out of flying enemies, at which point you realize that you are actually in mid-air over a bottomless chasm and do a little Wiley Coyote thing all the way to your doom.

I did eventually get the knack of finishing a spectacular air combo with a jump to a nearby piece of solid land, but I did die a few times before I got a feel for that.

Another thing that stands out is the game’s lack of hesitation in killing the player. Ayumi is a pretty fragile character and can’t take many hits before dying. To keep yourself alive, you have a few evasive moves – which you will get very familiar with – and the ability to heal yourself with the touch of a button, with only one small catch: to heal yourself, you have to charge up the heals by gaining Rage. To gain Rage, you need to hit things, and if you stop hitting things your Rage goes away. Playing more aggressively, then, and taking more risks, becomes your best bet for actually surviving. It’s a really neat mechanic.

I have not played many games in this genre, mind you, so I don’t know if this is all just stuff it’s ripping off from other titles. I’m still liking it.

One thing that it definitely DID take from another game, and here we come back to an earlier part of this post, is the multiplayer, and this is what has its claws hooked in me right and proper.

A few weeks ago, a friend talked me into trying League of Legends, and I hated it. I liked the whole thing where you were attacking enemy turrets, supported by a host of cannon fodder, killing the other side’s cannon fodder as it tried to destroy YOUR turrets, and eventually beating the other guy back to his base and destroying it. That was good.

On the other hand, I hated the slow pace, the overhead view and the mouse controls, and I especially hated the 5 on 5 format.

The multiplayer in Blades of Time is, therefore, just about perfect for me. It’s one-on-one (or one-vs-CPU, or two-vs-CPU) League of Legends-style objectives, from the point of view of a brawler, and it is super fast paced. You beat stuff up, you earn medals for stuff like number of bullets fired or number of combos, you collect runes from randomly spawning chests, the medals and runes eventually turn into upgrades for your character and you get progressively more powerful. Furthermore, since you CAN play offline games against the computer, you can get some basic upgrades accomplished before you throw yourself into playing with other humans. It’s addictive, and it’s impressive that they put so much work into the multiplayer aspects of a budget sequel to a very poorly received game.

Anyway, if anyone is still reading this, I will finish by saying that it’s a pretty neat game and available for PC and Mac from Steam. You should go buy it, play through the 10-hour single player campaign, and then join me online.

Posted in mac, PC Gaming, videogames | Leave a comment

So, Gunvalkyrie, eh?

A few days ago, I made the mistake of mentioning how the control scheme for the new Yar’s Revenge reminded me of Gunvalkyrie, Smilebit’s 2002 3rd-person shooter and hidden-object game.

Well, technically, the only part of the game that’s a hidden object game is the cover art, reproduced here for your brief puzzlement.  US on left, Japan on right:

Did you see that there’s actually a guy on the cover?  It took me a while, too.  There’s no shame.

Anyway, I originally bought Gunvalkyrie back in April of 2007.  That’s five years ago, now, come to think of it.  I really am not good about getting right to games.

Back then, I played a little bit of it and felt like there was a decent game in there, unfortunately hidden behind a control scheme that was a bit dense, but it fell off my radar pretty quickly.

After reminding myself of it last week, I was inspired to give it another go.

Now that I’ve dug it out of the box that all non-360-compatible Xbox games had been stuck in, managed to coax our old Xbox back into service, and put the last three days into seeing what I could do about that control scheme, I can verify that there actually is quite a decent game in there, partly because it draws you in with a bizarre plot centered around Great Britain conquering the world and seeding the galaxy with colonies (in the late 19th century, mind you) and partly BECAUSE the control scheme is so bizarre compared to other 3rd-person games.

Take, if you will, the Assassin’s Creed games.  They use a pretty bog-standard control scheme which isn’t difficult to pick up.  Run around with the left stick, steer with the right stick, and it has a single button that puts you into Awesome Assassin Mode, where you hold down the button and run forward and your on-screen character does Amazing Parkour Stunts and you get a vague sense of smugness at how awesome you are.

Gunvalkyrie is as far from that familiar and accessible control scheme as you can get.

Your character IS capable of pulling off some terribly impressive aerobatics, but actually getting them done is left in your hands and depends entirely upon you learning a set of controls that are… well, not BAD controls, just terribly, terribly unique and entirely non-configurable (you can’t even invert the view axis!).  It makes constant use of the stick buttons, the “L3” and “R3” buttons as it were, and the result is that you are pressing DOWN on the pad at the same time as moving the pad most of the time.  The sound of the controller during a heated boss fight is, well, remarkably similar to the sound of a Guitar Hero controller being used to play a particularly heated solo.

The result of this is that, once you start getting the hang of using the thumbsticks in ways that no game before or since has asked you to, there’s a tremendous sense of satisfaction.  The game has a meter on screen which slowly counts up as you perform more and more mid-air stunts in hazardous conditions (you must be near an enemy for it to count up) without actually being hit or touching the ground, and when the meter fills you turn into a Massive Badass for the next 10 seconds, invulnerable to incoming damage and with your weapons turned up to 11.

Managing to pull this off during the final boss battle, during the brief period of time when the boss was actually vulnerable, and after 20-some failed attempts at beating the final boss, is going to stand as one of my all-time triumphs.

I am not, by and large, a fan of “hard” games.  I like running through games as, well, a bit of a tourist to be honest.  I’m the reason they PUT “easy” settings on games, and I am also the reason why developers like Smilebit DON’T add a difficulty setting – they don’t want tourists to finish their games!

Every single person playing this game has to face the same challenges in the same way. The result is that, once you get the control scheme down, once you suffer through the platforming HELL that is the Naglfar’s Pit level and put the requisite hours in to figure out how to beat the bizarre bat-winged-cherub last boss, you are in a very small crowd of gamers who have done the same, and it feels good to be there.

I’m so stoked, in fact, that I am going to dig out my copy of Ninja Gaiden and…

…wait, I’m not THAT crazy.

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Credit where credit is due:

Total time from my initial chat with a live support agent until I got the email letting me know that my unlock request had been approved was about 40 hours, which wasn’t bad considering the load they must be under.

So, well, thank you, faceless overlords at AT&T, for finally being decent sorts about the whole unlocking thing.  The next time I leave the country, it will be nice to just be able to buy a SIM card instead of having to buy a cheap mobile wherever I wind up.

 

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Yar’s Revenge (have you played Atari today?)

As a grown man of a certain age, I have a certain fondness for the Atari 2600 era of gaming.

I never owned one as a youth, but spent endless hours playing on the console whenever the opportunity arose, usually in the form of an in-store demo kiosk or at the house of a friend.

Knowing that, I also knew that it was a forgone conclusion that I would be buying the Yars’ Revenge rehash.

Of course, as a more prudent chap now than in my earlier years, I did wait for the inevitable Steam sale so that I could pick it up for five bucks or less. I then more or less sat on it for several months before getting around to playing it.

Should I start with the bad or the good? Let’s go with good.

Yar’s Revenge is hella pretty and the design aesthetic is designed to reach right into the lizard brain of any science fiction geek and give it a good squeeze. It’s a nice mix of futuristic floating industrial complexes and creepy organic caves, the enemies are insectoid or mechanical or a mix of both, and – in a nod to modern sensibilities – your mutant fly-thing character from the first game is now a hot girl with four arms and a predilection for wearing shapely Powered Armor with Strategic Cutouts.

There’s enough plot in place to cover the needs of any shooter – you’re a slave who’s been conditioned to fight for her conquerors, you break the conditioning, realize the plight of your people and, well, the game is called Yar’s REVENGE and you’re Yar…

The gameplay is classic shooter gameplay, the sort of thing that hasn’t significantly changed since Scramble, to wit: You are moving from point A to point B, where you will fight a boss. While you are moving you have limited maneuverability but are always moving forward as things try to kill you and you try to return the favor.

Yar’s Revenge livens the amusement-park ride style of game up with a fun scoring system and a weapons system that adds a touch of strategy, but it is, at its heart, a new incarnation of, say, Space Harrier or Panzer Dragoon.

That last is in no way a complaint.

For complaints, now we must come to the bad parts.

Firstly, this genre of game usually doesn’t give the player a whole lot of choice in movement. Generally you are either moving a character with a fixed target, or you are moving a target indicator with the character following the target.

Yar’s Revenge uses the twin sticks of the Xbox360 controller – and the game pad is the only reasonable way to play the game, by the way – to move both the character and her completely separate targeting reticule. You then use all four triggers and occasionally the face buttons to fire weapons or select powerups.

Until you learn to look at the screen as a whole and manipulate both character and target to, say, aim at the weak point of a boss with the right stick while simultaneously dodging incoming fire with the left, you are going to be constantly bumping into things and getting shot, and your hands will be in terrible pain after an hour or two.

After the controls become second nature, you will be darting around the screen like a heavily-armed hummingbird, effortlessly dodging barrages of incoming fire and raining laser death upon your enemies, also your hands will STILL be in terrible pain because the control scheme was made for players with the same four arms as the protagonist.

It reminds me terribly of Gunvalkyrie, another game with fantastic visuals for the time and with a control scheme that actively rewarded those willing to put in the time to learn it but which was not designed for humans with human anatomy.

In addition, the game has difficulty settings labeled “easy” and “normal”, but there is a yawning gulf of difference between the two. While I had trouble completing even the first level on “Normal”, switching the game down to “Easy” resulted in my coasting through the game in a matter of about two hours, often killing bosses without bothering to dodge their attacks or use any of my shield powerups.

I like easy games, but a middle ground might have been a nice thing.

As you might expect, then, it’s also quite short, a mere six stages and out. They are some of the best looking stages I’ve seen in a while, but it’s still a very quick game.

These are things that I was able to forgive the game for, and your enjoyment will likely be based on whether you can do the same.

Less forgivable, though enjoyable from the point of view of someone who is leading up to a miserable pun, is that this game – which is about shooting giant insects – is full of bugs.

For a few examples: when you launch the game for the first time, you have the option of choosing a Dx9 renderer or a Dx10 renderer. Upon choosing Dx10, the game would invariably crash for me.

When using Dx9, I was able to set graphical options – for example, to set the game to 1920×1080 and fullscreen – and those options would stay in effect until such time as I exited the game and came back in, upon which time the game would revert to a windowed 1024×768.

Furthermore, this was obviously designed as an XBLA title and they reused assets in a somewhat inconsistent way when making the PC version. The tooltip for “Exit Game”, for example, reads “Return to your game library”, and the on-screen powerup display shows icons of the Xbox360 controller, but in-game tutorials tell you to press keyboard keys for things, even if you’re playing with a controller.

There are also some graphical elements that are cut off when playing in a 16:9 aspect ratio. I’m not sure what those are, unfortunately, I just see the borders of windows taunting me from the top of the screen.

I had fun with Yar’s Revenge, though it definitely didn’t make itself easy to love, and I’d recommend it to anyone who likes the genre, with a couple of caveats:

First, don’t bother if you don’t already own a game pad.

Second, wait for the Steam sale. 🙂

Posted in PC Gaming, videogames | Leave a comment

Best 20 bucks I’ve spent in a long time

A few days ago, my wife and I were coming home from a friend’s house when I noticed that there was an unfamiliar indicator lit up on the dashboard.

A brief perusal of the service manual revealed that this was the Mazda version of the “Check Engine” light.

I hate check engine lights.  I should more properly phrase that as I FEAR check engine lights, as they almost universally mean “something is wrong, we’re not telling you what, and you’re at the mercy of the mechanic to tell you what you desperately need done RIGHT NOW or else your car will probably explode.”

Basically they’re a license for unscrupulous mechanics to print money, and I’m in a city where I don’t have a mechanic that I trust yet.

Anyway, I was staring at this light as I was driving to work the next morning, and I had a crazy realization – I could buy a code scanner, plug it in, and get advance warning for how much my upcoming trip to the mechanic was about to hurt.

The last time I looked at code scanners, they were in the $80-$100 range, which was a bit expensive but I figured that I could justify it for peace of mind.

It turns out that they’re a little cheaper now.  I got this little red beauty for $20.58:

Thanks to Amazon’s never-ending efforts to lose money on shipping, I even got it the very next day.

I plugged it in under the dash of our Mazda3 and it whirred and clicked a bit and spat out a punch card with “P2404” printed on it.

Well, ok, it did none of that.  But it would have been awesome if it had.

I looked up P2404, and it turns out to be a problem with my “EVAP leak detection pump sense circuit malfunction”

That sounded expensive, but at least I knew what I was in for.  I was about to close the browser on my phone and go in to the house to relay the bad news and consider making a service appointment, when I decided to check one more web site.

A gentleman on that web site had been in my position and had asked for help.  One of the responses he’d gotten was, and I quote: “did you forget to tighten your gas cap?”

I thought about this a moment.  I’m in Oregon, where we don’t pump our own gas, so I didn’t actually know the answer to this question.

I got out of the car and walked around to the tank side, opened the little door, tightened the cap, got back into the car, and turned it on.

Every indicator on the dash lit up, as normal, and then most of them turned off.

Including the check engine light.

Life is good.

 

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Sony Hell

I have had a couple of Sony-related annoyances in the last week, and what good is the Internet if you can’t use it to rage impotently about things of incredibly minor import in the grand scheme of things?

First, they seem to have patched the loophole I was using to buy points on the Japanese Playstation Network from the US.  I was using a Japanese-issued credit card before and had been able to buy points without issue, but they seem to be actually looking at my location now and blocking me out of hand.  I still have Y600 in my Japanese PSN account, so I guess I can buy a PSOne game if I find one I like, but the Saki game just got added to the store at Y2800 and I loves me some mahjong.

Secondly, and somewhat more annoyingly, the Blu-ray drive in my launch 60GB PS3 gave up the ghost last weekend.  You can insert discs into it and eject them, but the console doesn’t acknowledge them at all.  I’m torn between dropping the $150 to get it fixed or admitting that I can probably live without backwards compatibility and moving on.  It can play downloaded games, sure, but a PS3 with no drive is one step up from a boat anchor.

At least they added Amazon Instant Video now, so it’s a slightly more useful boat anchor.

Phew, I feel better now.

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Pony Hell

One of the big questions raised by My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic is this: why the heck does Princess Celestia let Twilight Sparkle stay in Ponyville? I mean, we’ve seen that Twilight is a fluke on the power scale with regards to magical ponies and, worse yet, has serious control problems. She’s basically munitions-grade unicorn, a pony Akira if you will, and Neo-Equestria is about to explode.

I  had wondered about this for a while, but it wasn’t until a couple of episodes ago that I got an answer.

Equestria is pretty heavily infested with some of the more sordid entries from the Monster Manual. Our intrepid equines have faced off against hydras, manticores, cockatrices, the odd dragon… A nice selection from the Gygax Rogue’s Gallery, in other words.

For god’s sake, they have Wendigos, and I actually had to look up what those WERE.  An obvious deficiency in my education.

These are all pretty heavy hitters, in their own rights, but they kind of pale in comparison to Cerberus breaking off his lease and winding up in Ponyville.

Let me point out what this means: There Is A Pony Hell. Specifically, Tartarus, a place wikipedia describes as ” a deep, gloomy place, a pit, or an abyss used as a dungeon of torment and suffering”.

Pretty heady stuff for a show about big-eyed unicorns.

Furthermore, after Cerberus has been subdued, Twilight leads him back to his post guarding the gates to Tartarus and is back in a matter of hours. Ponyville, then, is built very near to – if not directly ON – Pony Hell.

Looking at things like that, it makes a certain amount of sense to keep Twilight in Ponyville. Sure, she’s the sparkly purple equivalent of a hydrogen bomb and that’s bad, but if Pony Hell ever bursts open, spilling hordes of the damned across Sweet Apple Acres, that’s the kind of firepower you’re going to need to bring to bear.

I suppose that it is vaguely possible that I may be overthinking this.

 

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Better than the Movie

Last year’s Green Lantern movie was a bit of a confusing mess, trying to mash the highlights of a character with 50 years of backstory into 2 hours and failing miserably in the process.

Granted, Green Lantern is one of those characters that’s a bit tricky to deal with and one where comic writers have had to balance the “superhero who fights supervillans on earth and is a member of the Justice League” aspect of the character against the “space cop who’s responsible for handling emergencies on thousands of planets” side of things.

The movie tried to do both and didn’t do well with it.

Rise of The Manhunters, on the other hand, focuses entirely on the space cop aspect and is better for it.  It’s a 3D brawler type of affair with occasional Space-Harrier-style flying levels and just enough plot glue holding them together that it kind of makes sense.  Said plot will take you to four different planets, and I was actually pretty impressed with the effort put into giving each world a unique environmental look.  Granted, this may have been helped by the natural low expectations that come when playing any movie tie-in game.  The assorted ring constructs you create are nicely flashy and have a high cool factor to them, though some of them really didn’t seem appropriate for the character.

To be just a little geeky for a moment, making a giant suit of powered armor to stop around in is a Kyle thing, not a Hal thing.

Anyway, you spend 10 levels beating up robots and aliens, you earn experience points so you can unlock new abilities and upgrade your skills, you have to hunt down things hidden randomly in the environment to boost your innate abilities, occasionally you must solve simple puzzles of the “rotate these rings until they form a shape to unlock the door” variety… It’s pretty generic on that front, but you do eventually get proficient enough with your various abilities that you start chaining them together to in viscerally satisfactory ways as you beat your way through a bunch of robot mooks.  Really, that’s the best reason to play one of these games.

It did lose some serious points with me the first time I fought a slightly-larger enemy and had to go through a quicktime event to finish it off.  I’ve had more than enough of that, thank you, and there is little more annoying than enemies with QTE armor.

Fortunately, the game does allow you to – if you can’t be arsed to deal with QTEs – simply hit whatever you’re fighting more times to kill it.  For that alone, it deserves some credit.

Oh, except for the final boss.  I actually had to take a second go at him because I failed the “Press circle to not die” moment, which was tooth-grindingly vexing.

Overall, it’s a good way to wash the lingering disappointment of the movie out of your brain.

There’s a Wii version as well as the PS3 and Xbox 360 versions, and I’m given to understand that it’s a bit of a different game so I may check that out one of these days.  I’ve been given to understand, however, that I should go into that with even lower expectations, so “One of these days” will probably be “when I see it for five bucks or less”

 

Posted in ps3, videogames | 1 Comment

You friended me! Picard never friended me!

I do not often find myself filled with glee and anticipation at any news regarding actors. By and large, I have trouble even recognizing actors and I spent several years convinced that Keanu Reeves, Johnny Depp and River Phoenix were all the same person.

I’m still not 100% sure that I’m wrong there.

So it is, as you can imagine, an unfamiliar sensation to find myself utterly gleeful at, well, the news that John de Lancie would be taking another turn as Discord in My Little Pony.

Considering that Discord is basically Q, just turned to 11 and with even less regard for the laws of physics, this should be good. 🙂

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