Fishy Math

So, I created an account with Big Fish Games in order to buy a game that my wife recommended to me.

As an aside, it appears that all traces of shame have finally been scrubbed from me if I’m a man admitting to having a Big Fish Games account.  The 20+ My Little Pony figurines staring at me from above my monitor would agree.

Anyway.

They have a clever sales hook that they hit you with after you make a purchase.  You get a pop-up window telling you that, for the next five minutes, you can get a sizable discount on another one of their games.  Presumably, if you bite on the offered deal, you get another pop-up and so on and so forth.

I can’t prove any of this, of course, and I actually don’t take exception at the idea.  Obviously you’re buying something already and you might be in the mood to buy another game to go with the first one.

What I do take exception with is poor math skills:

fishymath

Anyway, the game I downloaded and will be giving a try to was “Skyborn“, which looks like a fun riff on Ye Auld 16-Bit RPG, with nice large character art added and so forth.   More as I actually play the thing.

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No, really, the shotgun IS terrible.

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I finished up Tomb Raider the other night, story mode complete with the overall game completion at 78%.  This means that I skipped a lot of climbing around for collectibles, I suppose, but it’s polite enough to allow me to go back and find them even though the end credits have rolled.  It might be worth it, because climbing around Yamatai island as Lara is just plain fun.

Between the Prince of Persias and the Assassin’s Creeds and the Tomb Raiders, I play an awful lot of games where the main character spends most of their time climbing around on improbable architecture, and each one has its own feel.  Prince of Persia is all about the environmental hazards and proper timing, Assassin’s Creed is all about treating buildings as slightly inconvenient speedbumps with occasional archers to stab, and Tomb Raider is usually a challenge of getting as much height as you can and then trying to decide which inconspicuous ledge represents a safe handhold and which will send you screaming to your death, and it’s usually fairly slow by comparison.

This incarnation is a little less obtuse about which way you’re supposed to go at any given moment, which makes the clambering about much quicker.  In places, it comes awfully close to the speed of the 2008 Prince of Persia game, which was almost rhythm-game speed in its more complex segments.

For a series called Tomb Raider, some of the actual series entries don’t actually spend all that much time IN TOMBS, and this is one of them.  There are a half-dozen challenge rooms scattered around the map, each of which is basically “here is a physics puzzle to solve”, and there are a couple of segments inside your typical ruined temples and the like, but most of the time is spent running around outside, usually with lots of enemies shooting at you.

There’s a TON of shooting and being shot at in this iteration, by the way, and the odd bit of particularly brutal melee combat.    It’s a change of tone that’s justifiable, mind you, because that the game is less “explore ancient tombs and find lost treasure” and more “you are on an island where everyone wants to kill you”, but it still feels weird that the common solution to many of your problems is to insert about a dozen arrows into the head parts of about a dozen guys.

Speaking of which, the bow is fantastic in a way that I suspect no real bow is.   I’m not going to quibble, but I did find the combination of range, stealth and lethality meant that I found myself going to the bow over, oh, the assault rifle or shotgun, and this just seems counter-intuitive.

Of course, I may have already made my feelings about the shotgun clear.  Ever since the days of Doom, the shotgun has been the go-to weapon for point-blank mans shooting.  This particular one is not – from all the effect it has on enemies, I suspect that it’s loaded with rock salt rather than buckshot.

I did manage to get the 40 shotgun kills necessary for the “shoot mans with the shotgun” achievement, eventually, and I can take some solace – and find some affirmation – in the fact that this is one of the rarer achievements in the single-player game.

The story is, well, it’s an origin story, and origin stories are usually pretty fun – if not particularly deep.  Lara starts off as a spoiled rich girl, bad things happen to her and those around her, and she eventually becomes the arsekicker that we all know and love.   There are some fun twists along the way, lots of stuff explodes (occasionally with no good reason to do so), and presumably they are churning out the sequel with All Possible Speed.

I will admit that I was a little hesitant to pick up Tomb Raider after the Big Damn Controversy surrounding some of the early trailers for the game – if you believe the massive hype and backlash that went on, it sounded like this was going to be I Spit On Your Grave,  The Official Video Game.

I feel a little silly about that now.  Well, actually, I feel good about saving 25 bucks by waiting until the game was half-off to buy it, but that again is moderated by feeling silly that I waited until the game went to 75% off before even playing it.

To sum up all the previous words: It’s an excellent game and you should own it.

I leave you with some random screenshots that show off the Pretty.

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tr_gunkan

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Amateurs.

I work in a pretty geeky environment and this week’s Steam sale has been a frequent conversation topic.

I got to overhear a couple of coworkers exchange Steam IDs and check out each others profile today, which included the thoroughly precious comment of “holy crap, you must have nearly a hundred games on here, when are you ever going to have time to play them all?”

Ahh, innocence.

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Tomb Raider May Have The Worst Shotgun In Video Game History

…however, after 10 hours of playing so far, that remains my only complaint.

More when I finish. I’m having too much fun to rush to the ending.

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GraVITAs

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After playing through Call Of Duty: The One For the Vita and Assassin’s Creed: The One For the Vita, I thought that it might not be a bad idea to actually try a game designed specifically for the system.

Fortunately, I subscribed to Playstation Plus recently and wound up with several to choose from.

Only one of them featured the exploits of a cute girl and her gravity-altering cat, so Gravity Rush it was.

The girl is also named Kat, by the way.

The world of Gravity Rush is a collection of psuedo-European towns on floating sky islands, connected by trains and aircars.  For some reason, bits of these flying islands have been breaking off and disappearing, and the plot, after a couple of introductory tutorial-style missions, revolves around you (a) restoring these missing islands from surreal alternate dimensions and (b) foiling the plans of a master thief.

Well, that’s the first half anyway.  After that, you discover that an offhand comment from an NPC in one of the very early levels is actually tied to the real plot, which is a bit darker and more serious.

It is, I suppose, spiritually a platformer.  You traverse a variety of fantastic environments, picking up gems to spend on powering up your abilities, you occasionally fight a boss, and there’s a lot of jumping (falling) on heads.

There’s just not much platforming.

The core gimmick of the game, as the title suggests, is gravity manipulation.  Put simply, you get to decide, at any moment, which direction you consider “down”, at which point you fall in that direction until you hit something or press the button which cancels gravity completely.

This is easily described in two pictures:

1) A game screenshot:

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2) The same screenshot, now rotated so that “up” is actually at the top of the image.

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With the ability to make “down” be whatever it is you like, you get a freedom of movement that is unlike anything I’ve played before.  It does take a while to adjust to the notion that you’re not actually flying so much as falling with style, at least in my case, but I pretty much had a permanent grin on my face once I got the hang of it.  There’s a button to press that more-or-less reorients the camera to suit conventional ideas of up and down if you ever get totally lost.

Adjusting to combat took a little more work – there’s a lot of lining gravity up JUST SO in order to send Kat flying in the general direction of a brightly-illuminated weak spot on a boss, and I will confess that a couple of the boss fights had me clenching my teeth as I charged just in time for the boss to move out of my way.

Also, the final fight is on a timer which made for extra unfun times.

That said, it was a solid ten hours of fun marred only by about half an hour of annoying boss fights.  It also has a fantastic soundtrack, and fortunately someone else has already gone to the trouble of finding youtube clips so you can listen to it.

Finally, a couple more screenshots with less confusion about which way “up” really is.

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Above: Kat takes the train between two towns.  Sadly, no pets are allowed so she has to ride on the roof.

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And here’s a visual of the sort of stuff you see in the alternate dimensions.  This game is about as far as you can get from a brown and gray color palette.

 

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Liberating

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Let me just get all the bad things out of the way to start: Assassin’s Creed III: Liberation is a mess in some ways.  It’s glitchy at times, particularly with regards to character animations, the enemy AI can be as dumb as toast at times, the plot is all over the place, and – for a series where you normally have a great deal of freedom in how you accomplish goals – you are far too often forced into doing things This One Way.

Oh, and don’t get me started on the tacked-on touch controls and the “hold your Vita to the light and rotate it to solve this puzzle” bits.

However, after playing ACIII, it’s obvious that the Liberation team had a much better idea about what constitutes FUN.

Fun is… running across rooftops, past guards who are barely able to get out a “hey…” as you dash past, jump to a lightpost, and then continue on to the next building, leaving them trailing impotently in your wake.

Fun is… walking into a fancy dress ball in a glamorous evening gown, luring your intended victim off to the side with feminine charm, and making with the stabby stabby while the banal small talk of the party continues around you.

Fun is… stalking a column of soldiers from the trees, downing one at a time with darts from your blowgun, driving the survivors into a higher and higher panic all the while, then jumping down and taking the last half dozen on face-to-face.

Actually, I’m not sure whether I enjoyed the blowgun more or the bullwhip.  Both are new to this installment of the series, I believe, and both are terribly fun.  The bullwhip, in particular, breaks the somewhat tedious counter-based combat by letting you yank opponents off balance, drag them towards you, and hit them with an axe as they pass.

Fun is NOT an endless supply of near-psychic guards and sticking to the ground floor, as it were, just because climbing into the rooftops in Boston or New York almost always meant interminable escape sequences.

Put simply, I’m glad that I played the two games in the order I did.  I was able to grit my teeth and get through ACIII because I was invested in the Desmond story and wanted to see how it played out, but I might have had a hard time putting up with it if I had played Liberation first.

If you played ACIII and loved the homesteading and hunting and trading parts, mind you, you might have exactly the opposite opinion. 🙂

All that said, it doesn’t add a whole bunch to the Assassin’s Creed canon, which is good considering how few Vita there are out there compared to consoles that can play the main series entries, but it was nice to see that there ARE some assassins out there who aren’t related to Desmond bloody Miles and the story went into some pretty heavy hitting themes.

…and I don’t even have to add “for a video game” to that last sentence.

 

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One more DVD ripping hurdle down

One of the things about having six years worth of posts here is that it serves as the journal I’ve never been disciplined enough to keep.  Very sporadically updated, mind you, but it still comes in handy from time to time.

For example, I can look back at April of 2009 and find something I’ve written where I say that I’m not crazy enough to rip a couple thousand DVDs.

Oh, the follies of youth.

Anyway, I finished up our collection of TV shows on DVD last month, and co-incidentally had to swap out the last remaining 2TB drive in the Drobo for a 3TB.  The server now has something like 20TB of drives hanging off it, which is small by some standards but mind-boggling from the point of view of someone who grew up with floppy discs holding 90KB per side.

I had to go back and re-rip Alias, because that was one of the first shows I did, and it was also the first show I ripped where the order of the titles on the disc didn’t match the episode order – so, for example, the episodes were laid out on disc as 3 1 2 4 and I ripped them as 1 2 3 4 and it got quite confusing trying to watch.  I distinctly remember ripping it the first time and just feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of ripping and encoding FIVE WHOLE SEASONS worth of a TV show.

The second time was just, well, I’ll use these three machines to rip the discs, and that will take a day while I’m doing other stuff, and then I just tell the encoding box to convert a season a night into something that will play on the AppleTV.  It’s an entirely different mindset, and it makes me feel a little dumb, now, for buying the complete X-Files off of iTunes because I found the thought of ripping the discs we owned to be too intimidating.

All I have left, now, is a couple of shelves of anime DVDs.  I’ll admit to taking shortcuts with the Takahashi shows and just downloading them when possible, because 50 DVDs of Urusei Yatsura could break a man. 🙂

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I REALLY don’t think that word means what you think it means.

Seen in the break room at work:

readiness

Guys, at some point you need to just turn to your spouse and say “Dear, I’m going to fill the basement with MREs and ammunition and I’m not even going to try to make up an excuse for why I want to do this.”

 

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In which, I take a shameless Korean MMO a little more seriously

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Yesterday, I wrote about playing Scarlet Blade with the intention of writing a snarky review about what it said about us and how far we had fallen as a species and so on.  That was a good post, I thought, and you should go read it before continuing on with this one.

Today, I’m actually going to write a bit more about the game, but this time I’ll be taking it a little more seriously.  As before, however, it all goes below the MORE link because dear god this game is not safe for work in any way.

Continue reading

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In which, I play a shameless Korean MMORPG

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For a couple of months last year, my go-to MMO was Tera, which was – I believe – the first and probably last ever attempt to take a Korean MMO, file some of the grindy pain off and adapt it for western tastes before sticking it in a $60 box with a monthly fee besides.  It was actually pretty fun until I hit level cap, at which point I realized that I was rather burned out and had no interest in the endgame.

Anyway, Tera is famous for two things: First, it ditches the rather dull combat system of your typical MMO.  Second, well, it has character designs where you probably wouldn’t want the PC to be sitting at the character select screen if your mum came to visit.  This is the bit that usually comes up in conversation.

I was therefore rather surprised to read a discussion online which could be summed up as “well, yes, but if you think Tera is bad you ought to see Scarlet Blade”, which of course lead me to immediately look up Scarlet Blade.  I do not recommend you do the same if you are at work or if you are browsing the web with your mum sitting behind you knitting a scarf, because it is, in a word, utterly shameless.  That’s two words, I suppose, but I think it’s worth it.

The gist of Scarlet Blade is that it is based in a post-apocalyptic world where the surviving humans scratch out a tenuous living in a landscape that has come to be dominated by hellish mutant creatures determined to eat all the remaining humans and, I dunno, do hellish mutant creature things.  As a character in this world, you take on the role of one of Humanity’s Saviors – an artificial human called an Arkana, with superhuman strength and abilities and also massive breasts and a tendency to wear battle armor consisting of a pair of thong panties and a platemail bra.

Co-incidentally, I realized that I hadn’t written anything truly snarky about any games recently, so I figured that I’d download it, give it a couple of hours, take a few screenshots and write a couple of pages decrying the depths to which MMO creators – and, by extension, humanity – have fallen, is there any hope for the species, etc etc etc.

I try to keep this blog fairly family-friendly, but this is where I put the rest of this post below the MORE link.

Continue reading

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