You know, the plot behind your average mahjong game is something like, you meet a strange girl who wants to play mahjong and who is willing to show you her knickers if she loses, you play a lot of mahjong, you win a bunch and she introduces you to her sister who’s an even better mahjong player. They aren’t all that complex, really.
So when it comes to something like Magical Mahjong Warrior Poe Poe Poemy, I have to give Imagineer just a little credit.
Not much, mind you.
The plot consists of the following: It’s 2016 and the earth is a miserable place, full of death and destruction. Three demons escape from hell to make things even worse, and Hell’s truant officer Poemy is sent out to bring them back. She takes along her mascot, of course.
In order to work in the human world, demons need to possess humans, and Poemy is no exception. She winds up in the body of a girl named Emi, whose mother died when she was only 5 years old and whose father, a ship captain, hasn’t been seen in three years. She’s being raised by a hulking great bodyguard.
See? That’s character development, it is. This game has all kinds of plot, and it even comes with some really bad semi-animated cutscenes to tell it all.
Here’s Poemy and her mascot:
Here’s a couple of your opponents. Note that the first has cleverly possessed the body of, uh, a fast food waitress to carry out her evil plan of eating all the food on earth.
Not making that last bit up, by the way. I only wish I were.
After fighting Ms. Damn Big Appetite, you meet another demon whose motivation for coming to earth, best as I can tell, is that she likes beating people up. I didn’t think to get a screenshot.
You then meet the last opponent, a bespectacled possessed computer genius who’s trying to, I think, hack into hell and somehow depose Enma, the king of the demons, or something; I didn’t really pay much attention. Still, plot plot plot, this game has plenty of plot.
Also she’s kind of cute, but that might just be the glasses talking.
Anyway, you defeat her at mahjong, you’ve successfully beaten all three escaped demons, you bundle them back to hell and give Emi her body back. Life’s good, except that it isn’t. Earth is still messed up and Emi has to move to an underground bunker with her bodyguard.
Oh, and aliens are attacking.
Aliens make everything better, especially when they’re lead by (apparently human) girls.
Also, note that she went to the School of Posing For Evil Conquerors, and she either has really odd musculature or she is sporting some awesome shoulderpads under that cloak. As we all well know, shoulderpads make the villian.
Anyway, Emi has a flash of insight and summons Poemy back out of hell to fight off the alien invasion, using mahjong which even aliens know how to play.
You beat her, you realize that you’ve driven off the aliens but the Earth is still a barren wasteland of pollution, and then Emi taps into Poemy’s magical demon powers to clean the atmosphere and make the world bloom with flowers. As the credits scroll, you see the demon escapees being punished by doing endless mounds of laundry, you see Emi being taken to the zoo by her hulking great bodyguard, and then… just at the end… her father returns and they’re reunited.
Cue upswell of music, cue curtains, let’s call this a wrap. We’ll make millions.
Now, you may look at all I’ve written so far and say something like “I dunno, it sounds kind of bad”
And you’d be right. It’s an ugly game and isn’t really all that fun to play. It’s made easy, at least, because Poemy – being a Magical Mahjong Warrior – can cast spells that do things like let you draw just the exact tile you need to win, or to protect your discards from being taken by your opponent. Kind of like Suchie-Pai games, in that regard, only it’s bad.
But, at least I’ve played through it and can chalk it off my backlog.