More Yuri Than The Moscow Phone Book

In between running instances in Final Fantasy XIV, I’ve been knocking out some of the shorter games in my backlog.  I figured that I might as well do a quick run-down of some of the recent ones.

sakurafantasylogo

Sekai Project has a basic formula that works well for me: Short visual novels with few branching paths and lots of fan service.

Sakura Fantasy is one of the more ambitious, story-wise.  It’s a very JRPGesque story, with a young swordswoman with a tragic past, friends with magical powers, a world suffering from a not-well-explained calamity, and a mysterious empress who sends everyone on a quest to Uncover The Secrets Of The um something or other.

Also pretty much all of the characters are cute girls with a bad habit of walking in on each other when they’re in the bath or changing.

As of now, only “Sakura Fantasy: Chapter One” is available, and it is really going to annoy me if Chapter Two never happens, because I actually really want to see where the story goes.  It may be tropey as all get out, but it’s a fun read.

As sold on Steam, this is a PG-13 visual novel.  Played on Mac, also for Windows and Linux boxes.

karatekalogo

Karateka, by comparison, is full of buff shirtless men pummeling each other in manly manly fashion.  It’s got more sausage than a Hickory Farms catalog, is what I’m trying to get at here.

It’s an iOS remake of the Apple II classic with pumped up graphics and dumbed-down fighting, and it pushes some nostalgia buttons for those of us who remember the original.  There’s a lone hero, a horde of random guys to beat up, and that godawful annoying hawk.

Sadly, it lacks a “bow” button, so there’s no getting all the way to the end and then having the damsel in distress kick you in the head for lacking respect.  Minor points lost there.

For anyone without fond memories of the original, um, it’s pretty and you actually get a full game for your buck-ninety-nine as opposed to being bled slowly to death with microtransactions.

TheLostCity

The Lost City is another iOS game, and it is again a complete game that you pay money for and then play in its entirety.  It is a sad comment on the state of affairs that I feel the need to say that, but there it is.

It’s an adventure game with all that implies; you wander around some very pretty outdoor scenes, solving puzzles as you go.  It’s a pretty big game, with 40 or so locations, made bigger because the game’s central gimmick is your ability to change the seasons on command – so, for example, you may need to find a flower that only blooms on a certain screen in summer, or switch over to winter to freeze a lake so you can walk across it.

It doesn’t have buff shirtless men OR girls in impractical fantasy “armor”, and the plot can be summed up as “Your grandmother was an archaeologist.  She brought home a magic rock.  Might be cursed.  You should take it back or something”, but I still enjoyed the two or three hours I spent with it.

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Burn, Baby, Burn

LittleInferno

I had Little Inferno recommended to me two or three years ago, but I am bad at playing games in a timely fashion.

It’s a little hard to describe; it’s a gloomy game about stacking toys in a fireplace and setting fire to them, then watching the interactions as they burst, melt, and explode.  Think Gomibako / Trash Panic meets Edward Gorey, and you wouldn’t be far off the mark.

While you’re burning things, they occasionally spit out coins, which you can use to order things from mail-order catalogs.

Then you burn those new things too.

There’s a puzzle aspect to the whole thing; the game gives you a list of 99 combos and you need to figure out how to put the combos together in order to unlock new catalogs to buy new stuff from to burn to make new combos to…

…it all gets a little cyclical.

The combos aren’t spelled out, but their name tends to give you a hint towards what’s needed – and even if you’re not looking at the combo list, you can often just pick a few things that seem to go together and trigger one of them.  “Road Rage” is triggered by burning a toy truck, a schoolbus, and a bicycle together, “LOLCats” is burning a stuffed cat and a camera, that sort of thing.

While you’re burning all of these things, you get a series of peculiar letters and you start to get the sense that the world away from your fireplace is a very odd world indeed.

The game’s ending is left more-than-a-little open to interpretation, but pretty much every interpretation I could come up with is pretty bleak.  It really does lure you in with a quirky hook before it lays the despair on you, though, and I’m glad that I finally made a couple of hours to play it.

Played on Mac, also available for Windows, iOS, WiiU, probably everything with a screen by now.

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(I’ve Been) A Bard, Mage, Knight,

and I’ve been working like a dog.

As I mentioned yesterday, Final Fantasy XIV is still the new shiny toy that has been occupying most of my non-Lombax-related gaming time, and there are a few reasons for this which I will now drone on about at length.

First, of course, is that it lets me play as a catgirl in a pretty dress with a unicorn mount and a fairy pet, a statement which I feel needs to be followed up with a drastic and definite defense of my masculinity. Perhaps I will watch the football and drink the beers. I may belch.

Second, as I’ve mentioned before, it addresses one of my biggest pet peeves with MMOs, the bit where you can make the wrong choice at character creation and find out, months later, that you should have chosen something that would be more in demand. You can learn any of the game’s 13 “jobs” (other games call them classes, and FFXIV does have the concept of classes, so it gets a little confusing) and switch between them at will, so you never wind up benched. In addition, even once you switch to a specific class, you can make use of a small set of skills from other classes, as long as you’ve played that other job enough to earn the skill.

That being said, if your character’s primary function can be summed up as “dps”, it can take a little longer to get groups than if you are a tank or healer. We’re talking maybe a 15 minute wait here, though, not the hours-at-a-time sitting at the Sebilis zoneline of Kunark-era Everquest.

Because flexibility is such a focus, I wound up getting three separate jobs to the level cap (50) and then had to grind a couple of other classes into the low 30s to pick up a couple of skills from those classes. Now, I can fill any hole in a group, and if I wind up sitting on the sidelines, it will be because I’m either not very GOOD at a particular function, or because my gear isn’t up to the challenge.

For the record, that’s level 50 in Warrior, White Mage, and Bard, 34 in Scholar and Lancer, then 26 in Thaumaturge, 22 in Gladiator, and 15 in Pugilist. That’s a lot of grinding, but I am very happy with the outcome.

Another point in FFXIV’s favor is that it has very small group sizes. Regular dungeon groups are four people, most instanced raids are eight people, a very very few raids actually use “Alliances” of 24 people. I haven’t done any of the 24-player raids yet, but queuing for the 8s so far has been reasonably quick and painless, even as DPS. The only downside is that two years of mudflation lets the player base steamroll over most of the level 50 content without paying TOO much attention to mechanics, so there are raids I’ve done a half-dozen times and still have no idea how the script is supposed to work.

Yes, this is me admitting that I have frequently gotten into a raid and spent most of the time trying to dodge the OBVIOUS fire on the ground while co-incidentally being carried through by the other seven players who DO know what they’re doing. I have limited shame.

It ALSO, and I think at this point I have gushed almost-but-not-quite enough, ALSO means that my wife and I, and a friend from work and HIS wife, can do all of the single group content without needing to mix with strangers. It’s a remarkably relaxing way to play an MMO.

I think I’ll try to make this my last WOO FFXIV IS SO AMAZE post for a while. It’s coming close to the end of October and I wanted to at least try to play through a couple of horror games this month.

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New Game Hype

As much as I advocate being a Sensible Consumer when it comes to games, I will admit that there is a certain thrill to anticipating a new game for months, buying it on day one, taking it home, ripping into the shrinkwrap and telling your adult obligations to beat it for the rest of the day.

For me, this goes all the way back to “Sonic 2sday”, which was the first time I’d preordered any game – really, the first time I’d been introduced to the idea that you COULD preorder a game – and I have fond memories of clocking out from my $9/hour tech support job for lunch, making the 45 minute round-trip walk to the local mall to buy my copy, and marking time / compulsively reading & re-reading the manual for the rest of the day until I could take it home.

Sure, there is the occasional crushing disappointment when you actually dig in to your new purchase – the less said about “Homefront”, the better – but at least you get the buildup and the HYPE HYPE HYPE.

With “Fatal Frame V”, Nintendo has tried very hard to front-load the crushing disappointment. We’re getting a digital-only release, and one that takes well over half of the WiiU’s pitifully-small internal storage, they’ve altered cutscenes for content – in an M-rated horror game – and they’ve replaced some of the original bonus costumes with bizarrely out-of-place Zelda and Metroid outfits.

Nonetheless, I will not allow them to deprive me of my deserved HYPE on this, the day of release, and I have constructed a small prop to assist me in maintaining appropriate HYPE levels until such time as I can rush home after work and, uh, I guess, punch in a code and press the “Download Now” buton.

fatalframev

I should have brought in a blank DVD case, though.  I could have printed out a custom insert for it, even.

Next time.

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One Giant Leap For Lombaxkind

Ratchet_&_Clank_Future_Tools_of_Destruction_Game_CoverSo, Final Fantasy XIV continues to fill the role of “new MMO which is consuming all available gaming time”, but I’ve actually made some time to finish up a goal I accidentally set myself a few years back.

Looking at my PSN download history, I apparently downloaded the demo for “Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction” on November 9th, 2008. My other download that day was “Still Alive” for Rock Band, if that helps cement the era we’re talking about.

I really liked the demo, but I hadn’t played any of the other games in the series, so I could tell that I was missing many of the gags. So, instead of buying that, I played the first PS2 Ratchet & Clank game, and it was pretty good, enough to convince me to buy ToD.

But, obviously, there were still several games between that and the Future series, so I didn’t jump directly into the PS3 game. Instead, I tried to immediately start the second R&C PS2 game, which didn’t work out very well. It took me a year or so to get back to it, but I finally started that in October of 2009. Around this time, a second R&C Future game came out, which meant a price drop on “Quest for Booty”, the download-only sequel, and I bought it.

I played the THIRD R&C game in the summer of 2011. So, roughly three years after trying that Tools of Destruction demo, I was at the point where I was sufficiently seeped in series lore to give it a go… and found that I was completely burned out on the games. I put it aside again.

Skip ahead to September of THIS year, though, and Tools of Destruction finally comes back off the shelf as something I can play on Saturday mornings, and that took four weekends to play through, and then Quest for Booty took up the Saturday morning after THAT, and now I am finally caught up to Ratchet & Clank as of, roughly, late 2008.

Ratchet_&_Clank_Future_Quest_for_Booty_Game_CoverTo add an extra bit of shame to the whole affair, “Quest for Booty” ends with a Shocking Reveal that the Real Big Bad Guy was someone who I’d completely forgotten. I had to go to Wikipedia to realize that he was the primary antagonist from one of the PS2 games, so all the time I spent catching up with the series was more or less a waste of time in that regard.

In any other regard, it was far from a waste of time. While there were some spots of frustration here and there in the five games I played, they were consistently a high-quality mix of light platforming and heavy weaponry.

That last phrase sounds suspiciously familiar and I may have stolen it from somewhere.

There are two more games in the Future series, “A Crack in Time” and “Into the Nexus”, and I don’t own either. I’ve sworn off buying any more PS3 games, though, so I may just need to let the Quest for Booty cliffhanger go and assume that it all worked out in the end.

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Who Needs Sleep, Anyway?

It’s been a couple of days since my last nerding out about Final Fantasy XIV, so here’s some more of it. Eventually I will get back to my usual quality posts.

Mind you, my “usual quality” posts are mostly pictures of random terrible food and waxing enthusiastic about fanservice, so I can’t imagine anyone actually WANTING me to get back to those.

I’m still pushing my way towards the pre-expansion level cap, which is 50, and I’m doing it while alternating between two “jobs” (for any other MMO, these would be “classes”), so I’m definitely taking more time to reach the level cap than I would if I’d buckle down and focus on just one. It’s not AS bad as you’d think, though, because you get a 100% XP bonus when playing any job other than your highest-level one. I’m also alternating between Tank and Healer roles, which means that the delay between thinking “I would like a group to run through a dungeon with” and “I am zoning into the instance” is very short. If I don’t want downtime, I don’t need to suffer downtime.

Along the way, I have been fortunate enough to experience a VERY polite community, which is something of an outlier in any online game. It’s not a very talkative community – most people don’t want to stand still and chat when they’re clearing an instance – but players say Nice To Meet You at the start of every instance and Thank You or Good Game at the end.

I’ve also made a few mistakes along the way, and haven’t yet gotten raged at for doing so. Part of that may be the result of playing on an Oceanic server, but I’d like to think that it’s just something about the player base.

With a little luck, I should be 50 in both jobs in a week or so, and that’s usually the point where MMO content spreads out like so much pancake batter across a griddle.

And this is where I surpress the urge to make pancake-related jokes. It’s a good visual image, dang it, it doesn’t need to be ruined by puns.

I’m more than a little tempted to evangelize the game to friends, especially since it’s got a PS4 client and I could theoretically recommend it to friends without gaming PCs, but the difficulty of getting them on to my play server is the biggest thing preventing me from doing this. I may still pick up a few copies in December to slip into stockings, because nothing says “you are important to me” like “here, have a game that will consume your life.”

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Four Weeks in Eozora

This weekend makes four weeks with Final Fantasy 14, and I think I’m starting to get into the solid middle of the main story, so I thought I’d put up a post on how things have been turning out.

Obviously, I’m getting to it after a couple of years of patches and quality-of-life fixes, so I’m not qualified to comment on how it might have been at one point, and certainly not qualified to comment on the state of the game in its 1.0 form, but what I’m playing right now is a very polished MMO with a wealth – perhaps even an overabundance – of stuff to DO at any given time.

I’m particularly in love with the class/job system, because I have a lot of bad memories related to MMOs where you selected a class at level 1 and stuck with it to level cap.  Everquest, in particular, had a bad habit of straight-up breaking classes and leaving them broken for months at a time, so there were times when just getting into a group to get XP and progress would take hours on a waitlist or pity from guild mates.

FFXIV does not have this; you can level any class at any time and switching between them is just a matter of equipping a different weapon.  This lets me level up a tank class for playing with people I trust and a healer class for grouping with strangers.  It DOES mean that I’ve got a bit of an identity problem going on; I have both roles at roughly the same level so it’s hard to say which is my main job.

It is also VERY pretty.  TERA was my previous gold standard for good-looking MMOs, and I still think that my Elin bunnyzerker had a combination of cute and dangerous that hasn’t been topped in any other MMO, but FFXIV is a huge step up visually.  The weather effects along have spoiled me of the notion of going back to older games – most games are comfortable with “sunny”, “dark”, and occasionally “rainy”, but FFXIV has a huge spectrum of weather and lighting effects and isn’t shy about showing them off.

And, of course, it IS a numbered, main-line Final Fantasy, so it has a story that’s a little more sophisticated than “I don’t like wolves.  Go kill eight of them and I will give you these shoes.”

…not that you’re never asked to kill eight wolves, with a promise of shoes on your success, but at least the wolves-to-shoes conversion quests are usually the ones that are labeled as optional.  If you are cool with wolves and don’t NEED shoes, you probably don’t ever need to do them.

While the main story quest line is mostly done solo or with NPC helpers, it IS a “massively multiplayer” game, so you are occasionally sent into instanced dungeons to do stuff like kill dragons and get cheese.

So far – I’ve only seen the first half dozen of these – they’ve been very low-key affairs that take about twenty minutes to stomp through.  It’s been very easy to get groups, because higher-level players can join even very low level dungeon groups and still get decent experience, so it’s not too unusual to be fighting through a level 16 dungeon with three temporarily-depowered 50-somethings.  They can be a little annoying as a tank, because aggro in FFXIV is WAY more jumpy than I’m used to, but that’s where the whole playing-with-friends thing comes in handy.

The ones I’ve played through haven’t been much more than temporary speed bumps in keeping the story going.  At level cap, when the story is presumably done and it’s time to get down to compulsively grinding for shinier and shiner gear, I understand that they can actually get rather difficult and stress-inducing. I definitely won’t be tanking THOSE with random people.

In addition to the main story quest, every class has a unique story quest to go through.  These can be surprisingly challenging, and they’re mandatory to get certain class-defining abilities.  I’ve never gotten stuck at any given step for TOO long, but I’ve certainly had to repeat certain parts until I figured out the trick to them.

So to sum all of this up, it’s been a good first month with a new game and I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes.

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It’s PUMPKIN SPICE SEASON, bitches

These are probably going to be horrible.

pstwinkies

But damned if I’m not going to eat them anyway.

 

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Well, they’ve got their bases covered

Recent DISH Network mailer:

resident

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Every time I start the games app in Windows 10 this gets stuck in my head

activity feed 01

activity feed 02

Gunter glieben glauchen globen indeed.

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