On Seasonal Snackfoods

So, if you’re a fan of Pumpkin Spice flavored… THINGS, the weeks or so between October 1st and Thanksgiving are some of the best weeks of the year, because this is the time when you can get any damn thing you want in a “Pumpkin Spice” version.  After Thanksgiving, of course, it switches to Peppermint – and, while I am not personally a huge peppermint fan, I don’t begrudge those freaks their month of everything-is-minty.

Then, of course, January rolls around and the supermarket stockers of the world breathe a sigh of relief and get back to just sticking the normal versions of things on the shelves.

Today, however, I was grocery shopping and ran across something that rather puts a stick in the spokes of the holiday flavor wheels:

Now, I’m pretty neutral on the topic of candy corn.  I live with a woman who is a huge fan, so every year I buy her a bag of the proper stuff, and I’ll take a piece or two if offered, but it’s neither something I seek out nor something I am particularly offended by.  I realize that, for many, candy corn is an Abomination In The Eyes Of Man And Gods Alike. something I usually ascribe to childhood trauma revolving around trick-or-treating.

On the other hand, I am a big fan of telling my body that it has been bad and that I am going to punish it by making it eat weird things.  So, I bought a box of these.

First off, the money shot:

Orange-ish filling, as promised, and a few sprinkles to add a festive air to the things and to fall off when you try to take a bite.

Flavor, well, that’s a tricky question.  I’m not sure they’re particularly candy corn flavored – there’s really just a generic sort of “sugary” taste to them that COULD be candy corn flavor or could just be, well, sugar.  It actually had me wondering whether candy corn itself has a flavor or if the only thing that makes it candy corn is the sort of waxy texture.

So, I went to the expert.

Her conclusion was likewise that they just sort of taste like regular vanilla cupcakes, but she also pointed out that I hadn’t yet brought home any candy corn this year and obviously I needed to go back to the store and bring a bag home so she could perform an action she described as “empirical testing”, a phrase I assume is a euphemism for “eating a massive amount of sugar, FOR SCIENCE”.

I may have created a monster.


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