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This game shouldn’t exist

July 18, 2015

neptuna1I started trying to summarize Hyperdimension: Neptunia Re;Birth, and after several false starts I just had to give up.  It’s one of those games where the target audience knows they need it the moment they see it, and anyone outside the target audience is probably trying to figure out why anyone would waste their time with it.

I’m still boggled that there are enough people in the first group to actually justify the expense of production, but I’m not going to question it any further.

When I saw the PS3 game, I knew I needed it.  I also heard a lot of people talking about a terrible combat system and a massive grind, and I put off buying it as a result.  Then came a sequel, and another sequel, and people started saying that the combat system in THAT game was pretty good, pity about the first two.

Then the first game got remade for the Vita, shoehorning in the improved combat system and making other quality-of-life changes, and that’s when I finally put money down on a copy – although, per my norm, I put off starting it for a while, and then played it in 15 and 20 minute chunks for the better part of four months.

I finally decided, last week, that I was going to play it seriously, and it didn’t actually take much time from there.  I clocked in at 28 hours and a bit by the in-game timer, and that’s pretty short for an RPG.

It IS a little grindy, and the first couple of chapters are much tougher than the rest of the game, and there are WAY too many aspects of the crafting and combo systems that aren’t adequately explained, and the world map is just a set of locations that you can fast travel between rather than a real overworld, and the dialogue is cheesy and the plot beggars description…

…but it still made me giggle uncontrollably and often, and that’s really what I was looking for in an anthropomorphized moeconsole RPG, so I will call it a great success.

Next up is Ninja Gaiden Black, a game which I have tried to start three times before.  So far, I’ve gotten to the first boss and beaten him, which is the farthest I have ever gotten and a feat I am unjustly pleased with myself for accomplishing.

I tried playing Jet Set Radio Future and it didn’t go well.  I got past the tutorial, got about 5 minutes into the game proper, and realized that I just couldn’t get into being a hip, rollerbladed, graffiti artist.  I kind of just wanted to slap some sense into my on-screen avatar, make him get a haircut and some respectable clothes, and go back to school and do something with his life.

Sadly, there is no game entitled “Slap Some Sense Into A Hip, Rollerbladed Graffiti Artist, Make Him Get A Haircut And Some Respectable Clothes, And Send Him Back To School So He Can Do Something With His Life”, but I will be sure to pre-order it when and if it is announced.

 

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