Monster Burger!
OK, OK, photos of weird Japanese fast food aren’t that exciting. I’ll try not to do this too often.
But it snowed yesterday. It’s bloody cold. I cannot be faulted for looking through vacation photos from August in an effort to remember what summer feels like.
On this particular day, I was at the Decks shopping mall on Odaiba, looking for souvenirs for the folks back home. I’d just survived the third day of Comiket, I’d been walking a lot, and I was kind of worn down – if I was going to get any souvenir shopping accomplished, I needed food.
I saw this sign:
It says “Go to Monster Burger!”, by the way.
I looked at the sign. I said, unto myself, “Yes! I will go to Monster Burger!”
This was actually a pain in the arse to find. It turns out that they’ve turned one floor of Decks into… into… well, kind of a “fitness themed” amusement center called Muscle Park, with all kinds of activities that try to be healthy and good for you…And then they stick a massively unhealthy fast food place into the middle of it.
After you’ve enjoyed the exercise-themed fun of Muscle Park, why not relax with a Monster Burger? And maybe some soft serve ice cream? And cake?
I ordered myself a Monster Burger “Set” meal, with “Potato” and “Calpis Soda”, and took a window seat. A few minutes later, a happy Japanese fast-food employee came up to me and deposited this in front of me.
Now, Y1630 is about 15 bucks. That’s pretty expensive for fast food, and actually more expensive than some family dining places. But at a family diner, you don’t get your food in a MONSTER BOX, now do you?
As an aside, the Monster Box – and the cakes they sell – are shaped like a piece of Japanese gym equipment. Just to keep the fitness theme going, see?
All pretext of fitness goes away when you open your Monster Box:
I actually had a couple of doubts about this at this point. The thing was far too tall to pick up and eat… and for some reason it had powdered sugar on top.
It took me a minute to realize that you could take the wooden skewer out, and when you did so, it separated into:
1) Dessert. That being the bit with powdered sugar on it.
2) A chicken sandwich. That being the next layer down.
3) A salad sandwich. Yes, lettuce and so on in a hamburger bun.
4) A hamburger.
5) Another layer which was just another bottom hamburger bun.
The whole thing was actually kind of nasty to eat. I managed to finish off the three “food” burgers, but the dessert – and the inexplicable extra bun – were just beyond me.
Still, what’s a guy supposed to do when he’s faced with something called a Monster Burger? You can’t walk away. You can’t say, “No, Monster Burger! I’m afraid of you!”
You’ve got to eat that damn burger and pretend to smile.
Because that’s what a guy’s got to do.
Update (12/08/2008)
This one post gets as much traffic as the rest of the blog put together, and I can tell by the site numbers that someone out there linked to it again.
Here are some other posts about Japanese fast food, if this one didn’t make you queasy enough. 
Teriyaki McBurger, Ebi Filet-O
[...] a blog.. Monster Burger! « Baud Attitude "It took me a minute to realize that you could take the wooden skewer out, and when you did [...]
Pingback by I think I'm addicted to this LiveJournal image feed - Page 2942 - Gigposters.com | March 28, 2008 |
It’s square.
That’s…unsettling.
Burgers are round, man!
Like an O!
(It’s kinda ironic that the “O” I’m writing is, in fact, an oval.)
Oh, wait.. it rounded itself out.
See? THAT’S what real burgers do!
If I had been in your shoes, i would have done the same thing. When in Japan, as a foriegner, I think it is our duty to try things that could be in our home country, but will be done COMPLETELY different in Japan.
Ever been to a Red Robin? It’s a burger franchise in the States, look em up. Best burgers ever. They have a “Monster Burger” of their own, which is just a their double cheeseburger. Mind you, their burgers are large and delicious, nothing near the typical McDonalds or Wendys style.
That looks freakin’ disgusting. May god have mercy on anyone’s soul who actually eats this entire sandwich. HAHA! Yet… for some reason I can’t stop thinking about it. Damn you Japanese advertising for being so persuasive!!! quite possibly the most fulfilling accomplishment, literally. LOL! ^_^
[...] http://baudattitude.com/2007/11/29/monster-burger/ [...]
Pingback by Japan, they are truely ahead of their time. « Caaaaaalifornia… | April 3, 2008 |
I’d eat that.
I love the end of the post. Well done, dude.
I’d eat that. and maybe die. but it’s still cool.
I don’t see a picture of the burger
give me 3 more glasses of calpis and that burger wont be a problem!
f*ck fast food…
wow, pretty crazy stuff. i know how u feel though man, ive gotten all kinds of different shit while i was abroad as well.
leave it to Japan, I ate some strange stuff when I was there.
You can’t get a decent burger at a fast food joint, especially a japanese one relying on a gimmick. The fact of the matter is a burger need to be cooked medium rare, and fast food won’t do that for you. If it doesn’t look like bloody murder after the first bite, something’s wrong with your burger.
Cool post, but that “burger” looks AND sounds quite disgusting. What is Calpis soda? It looks like milk with ice in it.
Like the man said Burgers are round (except at Wendys..) Corn Bread are square… Great Job
Google mega mac japan.
We don’t even have that in the US! At least, not that I know of. I stay far far away from McDonalds.
WHEN I WAS IN JAPAN 43 YEARS AGO. RESTURANTS WERE DIFFERENT. IN THE WINDOW WERE THE DIFFERENT ORDERS. IF YOU LIKED THE PLATE YOU’D PICK THAT PLATE BY EITHER A NUMBER OR LETTER. NOT LIKE YOUR MORE MODERNIZED FANCY PLACES TODAY. I SEE THE FAMILY PACK COMES IN A BOX, GOOD IDEA, KEEPS EVERYTHING HOT UNTIL TIME TO EAT.
HAVE A NICE DAY. MIKE
I think I would have gotten it just for the box
[...] Monster Burger! « Baud Attitude “As an aside, the Monster Box – and the cakes they sell – are shaped like a piece of Japanese gym equipment. Just to keep the fitness theme going, see? … All pretext of fitness goes away when you open your Monster Box.” (tags: food wtf japan) [...]
Pingback by blog.ariffic » Blog Archive » links for 2008-05-01 | May 1, 2008 |
it looks like there is a zipper on the box like youre supposed to wear it like some sort of cod piece or something.i guess calling it “monster box” just wasnt enough
Tottally photoshooped, the shadows are all pixelated. I’ve seen a few photoshoopedimages in my day.
[...] Monster Burger! « Baud Attitude. [...]
Pingback by Monster Burger! « Baud Attitude « SubwayCheats.Com | February 6, 2009 |
[...] From Baud Attitude: [...]
Pingback by Monster Burger | Seven Nation Army | February 9, 2009 |
[...] a second. The site posts the craziest, most fattening meals you could possibly think of. Like the Monster Burger, pictured [...]
Pingback by ThisIsWhyYoureFat.com | The Chester French Blog | February 9, 2009 |
[...] (via baudattitude) [...]
Pingback by Top 10 Heart Attack Foods | StarCentral Bloggers | February 9, 2009 |
You sound like such a fruit. Why did you have to smile? I don’t think that a burger with that much originality is available everywhere and you seemed to enjoy 3 of the 4 sandwiches, why are you acting like you were disgusted? You’re a corny Brit.
they need to bring that to the united states, I’d eat that at least once a week
Sir Jorge is right. Bring it to Canada also!
Frig, I can’t stop looking at this and getting hungry. Hungry like a hippo.
I can’t understand the mindset of a person who wouldn’t have to try it, take pictures and share.
Thanks!