It’s almost exactly one month until this year’s iteration of the Electronic Entertainment Expo, and gamers all over the world are starting to Get Hype about the futures of their favorite corporations and how they certainly will not be announcing that the next release of your Favorite Game Series Ever will be a wacky kart racer.

For mobile.

Free-to play, with Gacha elements.

In the spirit of the season, I would like to offer my own humble wish list, talking about those things I would most like to see and some more realistic expectations.

Sony: I’d like them to remember that they started putting out PS2 classics on PS4, and continue the series by releasing Fatal Frame 3 and Silent Hill 3. I’d also like to see announcements for Gravity Rush 3, a Bluepoint-remastered Demon’s Souls, and maybe a teaser for Horizon: Zero Dawn 2: Dawn Harder.

What I expect: Knack 3 and an announcement that they’ve given Yoko Taro a lot of money and a new foam head to make Nier: Automobiles: 2B’s Krazy Kart Racing.

Microsoft: I’m a huge fan of their backwards compatibility push and I think this is the year to announce Dreamcast BC, with Blue Stinger and D2 leading the list of games.  For bonus points, they should release a peripheral to let me plug in my VMUs so I can hear them scream.

No, really. I want to play Blue Stinger again.  I WILL go looking for Taco-Pen.

I’d also like them to add the Xbox versions of Fatal Frame 1 & 2 and Silent Hill 2 & 4 to their Xbox classic selection, and Onechanbara, X-Blades and Blades of Time to their 360 compatibility list.

I guess they could announce some Xbox One software, too, but I’m cool if that doesn’t happen.

What I expect: Halo 6, only now it’s a wacky kart racer and you can only play as Master Chief on a third of the tracks.

Nintendo: I’d like to get a new Fatal Frame game and remastered versions of Fatal Frame 4 and 5. I’d also like to see more unexpected crossovers like Mario / Rabbids: Kingdom Battle, because that was a mashup that just worked brilliantly, and up-scaled versions of the Metroid Prime games so I can play them with modern dual analog controls.

What I expect: Mario Kart, only now it’s a brown cover-based third-person shooter.

Bethesda: I really don’t care what they release, as long as they put out some games. They said that they had three projects to ship before the next Elder Scrolls game, and frankly they can release Dovahkin Karting if it gets them one step closer to ES6.

What I expect: Skyrim for AppleTV, and some random five-to-ten-year-old shooter ported to Switch so 30-something tech bloggers with young children can play it on their commutes and rave about how it’s brought them back into gaming.

Electronic Arts: I’d like to see another Titanfall game, EA Access for Playstation and a remastered version of the original Mass Effect trilogy, even though I just finally broke down and bought all of the DLC for the Xbox 360 version.

What I expect: Mako Kart Racing.

Actually I would play this. Please make this game.

Sega: You know, I don’t really have a lot of demands for Sega. As long as they revive the Panzer Dragoon, Shining Force, Phantasy Star, Streets of Rage, Golden Axe and Eternal Champions series, and maybe announce an epic trilogy of Ecco The Dolphin games, that will be enough.

What I expect: God, I don’t even know any more and I think I’ve driven the kart racer gag into the ground. Maybe they’ll put out another Yakuza.

Ubisoft: I unironically love the “Ubisoft Formula” so I’m cool with whatever they put out, as long as I can slowly unlock a map covered with icons and then check every one of those icons off a list.

What I expect: I expect to get exactly this.

Square-Enix: Look, I just want a release date for Kingdom Hearts 3, and maybe a series of videos I can watch to catch up on which characters are the Heartless or Nobody versions of which other characters and to remind me what the deal is with Organization XIII. Oh, and a new Deus Ex game that isn’t a prequel would be neat. Give me that.

What I expect: A montage of Lara Croft being impaled, eviscerated and fed through a wood chipper, in glorious 4k.

Koei-Tecmo: Biggest wish: DOA 6 is announced, and you can bring forward all of your purchased DLC from DOA5: Last Round

What I expect: DOA 6 is announced and you can bring forward none of your purchased DLC from DOA5: Last Round.

FROM Software: I want to see more of whatever it is they were teasing at the Game Awards in their “Shadows Die Twice” trailer, and I would like it to be another Souls-like action RPG.

What I expect: We will get another teaser trailer and still know absolutely nothing about the game.

Blizzard: This will finally be the year Starcraft: Ghost gets revived and re-announced. Also I want an Overwatch spin-off starring Mei.

What I expect: Loot boxes, and an on-stage announcement that they’ve decided to just remove the Alliance faction from World of Warcraft because – despite years of them trying to make their intentions very clear – players haven’t taken the hint yet.

Daybreak: If the staff can pool together and afford cab fare to the convention center, I’d like an announcement that they’re actually making Everquest Next, this time for sure.

What I expect: A hilarious road-trip movie where they don’t actually make it to E3 but learn valuable life lessons along the way.

…well, I’ll just cut it short here. Regardless of what YOU’RE looking forward to from this year’s E3, I think we can all agree that it’s a magical time of year and that, once the dust has settled <your personal favorite megacorporation> will obviously have “won” E3.