Crappy EULAs

OK, there’s no way to start this 100% tastefully, but I trust you’ll forgive.

I was in the men’s room at school, and the bottom roll of paper had run out, so I was trying to figure out how to make it drop down the spare roll.

I am sure that this is an experience that everyone can emphasize with.  It is a somewhat humbling experience, being subordinate to an inanimate piece of plastic while in a, well, quite vulnerable state, trying to find the Magic Lever or Hidden Button that will make the mechanism work.

I did figure it out, proving once again that man is superior to machine, but as the top roll dropped down, a sticker fell out of the dispenser, and I felt it needed to be shared, in sort of a “dear god, we’ve come this far, there is no hope for us as a species” sort of way.


The toilet paper dispenser had an EULA.

Well, sort of a EULA, anyway.

A small bit of legalese, that I couldn’t see before I used their product, telling the end user that, no matter what the physical presence of an object might suggest, they don’t actually own their toilet paper dispensers, can’t use any toilet paper other than the Approved Toilet Paper, not that they’re allowed to refill them themselves anyway, and can’t make any alterations or sell them because, as noted, they don’t actually own them.

It sounds like a EULA to me.

I considered calling the 800 number to make sure I was using GP’s products in an approved manner, but I quite honestly feared the answer, so I finished my possibly-infringing business, got out of there, and now I share this with the world at large because, while I’m sure that it has some sort of humor potential, I’m not up to the task.  I’ll leave it in the hands of anyone who is, well, funnier than I am, which is a pretty low bar to step over really.

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