Evil in a can.

I grew up in the 1980s, and if you weren’t around at the time, or if you’ve managed to block them out, people saw the devil at work in a lot of things.

Rock Music, Comic Books, Video Games, Dungeons and Dragons… all of these were considered to be fairly reliable indicators of Satan’s hand at work.

As a fairly jaded youth, this didn’t make an awful lot of sense.  Any powerful, ancient evil force worth his salt would, I figured, make his presence known by stomping down the streets of New York City, leaving hundred-foot-long cloven hoofprints along Madison Avenue.  He wouldn’t waste his time mucking around with consumer products, he’d get straight to the fire and brimstone.

Although, come to think of it, I did have an issue of “Superman’s Girlfriend, Lois Lane” that featured the Devil trying to put the moves on Lois.

Superman’s Girlfriend, Lois Lane Issue 103

That one comic aside, I didn’t think much of the whole idea.

I was naive.  I will now freely admit this.  I was wrong.

No human – no creature with morals or scruples or even the slightest tinge of a conscience – could have come up with this:

canned mac & cheese

Macaroni and cheese. In a can. With a pop-top, even.

Look, making Mac & Cheese isn’t hard. I mastered it by the age of ten.  You boil water. You put the macaroni in it and watch the water fizz over the sides of the saucepan until you think the macaroni is probably soft enough, then you strain it and add the glorious yellow “cheese” packet, with some milk and butter, and then you eat the entire damn box, I don’t care if it does say “four servings”

This is enough cooking to sustain any man from the day he can first reach the stove burners until the day he gets his first BBQ grill.

Taking this… this small skill, this one tiny smidgen of kitchen self-confidence… away from a man, reducing it to “open can.  put contents in microwave”… this is inhuman. This is, dare I say it, diabolic.

Also, it doesn’t taste anywhere near as good as the yellow powder cheese sauce.  Evil should at least be tasty.

Yes, I ate the stuff, and yes, these are the kinds of sacrifices I make for my beloved readers.

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3 Responses to Evil in a can.

  1. nshadowsong says:

    I love mac&cheese. When I’m eating it, it’s usually because I’m craving something extra cheesy, the kind that leaves a little cheese mustache after you have huge spoonfuls. So when it doesn’t taste the way it should, all hell breaks loose. Thanks for the warning.

    Like

  2. I love Chef Boyardee!
    I was raised on it.
    The mac n cheese is pretty good. Way better than the powerdered stuff.

    Like

  3. AuntyHeroHag says:

    Frying tofu isn’t much harder.

    But don’t tell kraft or the chef that.

    I like my Tofu the way it is. Uncanned. 🙂

    Like

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