Random Chinese Junk Food

I have a friend who is a big fan of Kinder Eggs.  These are chocolate treats, sold everywhere in the world that is not the US, that consist of a hollow chocolate egg with a toy surprise inside.  They are not sold in the US because our children are dumb and swallow toy surprises and choke on them.

So whenever I go abroad, I smuggle her back one or two.

To make things look better for customs, I always make sure to pack a bunch of other junk food.  In theory, if I ever get pinched for smuggling illicit toy-filled candy, I can claim that I was just bringing back a bunch of snacks and had no idea that the Kinder Eggs were the diabolical child-murdering chocolates that they are.

It probably won’t work, but the side effect is that I always come home with weird foreign junk food.

Like these Oreos:


Your eyes are not playing tricks on you.  They sell Oreos in China that are Blueberry/Raspberry flavored, Orange/Lemon flavored and Grape/Peach flavored.  The package on the right is Lemon Oreo Thins, which have cookies about half the thickness of traditional Oreos.

Gentlemen, we have an Oreo Gap.  Our Oreo technology cannot repel flavors of this magnitude.

Less worrying are some genericish chocolate bars:


Just white and milk chocolate, with crispy rice bits.  We have these in this country.  We are not at risk from these.

What DOES put us all at risk is this packaging for Lays Stax.  In this country, they are an inoffensive Pringles knockoff.  In China, so much more sinister:


It’s a can with a plastic tray in it.  You can get the last chips out of the can without dumping crumbs all over yourself and the floor.  THIS IS AMAZING and we are all DOOMED.  The Chinese have won the junk food wars.



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